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Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Which of the following sentences is MOST grammatically sound?

(A) Every night I wash my face, brush my teeth, write in my diary, call my grandmother, count to 100 sheep, and go to bed.
(B) The new cupcake bakery that opened up next to our school has tantalizing flavors: butterscotch bliss, death by dark chocolate, peanut butter party and strawberry soiree.
(C) My dad's new car is silver, but the dealer had more exciting options, such as racy red, kiwi green and blue thunder.
(D) Gina, George and Geoff forgot to grab the three-dozen balloons we made for the party last night.

You could write this statement multiple ways. Which of the following is NOT one of those options? 


Everyone wondered who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions.


(A) The question at hand is, who keeps putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(B) The question at hand is, Who keeps putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(C) One question remained: who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(D) The question on everyone's mind: who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?

Identify the option that does not retain the author's original intent in the passage.


For this short writing assignment, I would like to share a story about how my friend Vanessa saved me from total humiliation, not to mention a pulled muscle. Last Friday, we were dancing at my older sister's party. I have a huge crush on one of her friends, so I was trying to impress him with my dance moves. At one point, I accidentally lunged too far and would have ended up in the splits if not for Vanessa, who caught my arm and pulled me to safety. I did not win the affection of my crush, so maybe my moves are not actually all that great. However, I did realize that I have an incredible friend who will always have my back.


(A) "…my friend Vanessa saved me from total humiliation… I did not win the affection of my crush… However, I did realize that I have an incredible friend who will always have my back."
(B) "…I would like to share a story about how… I did not win the affection of my crush, so maybe my moves are not all that great."
(C) "At one point, I accidentally lunged too far and would have ended up in the splits if not for Vanessa… maybe my moves are not actually all that great."
(D) "For this short writing assignment, I would like to share a story about how my friend Vanessa… will always have my back."

Which of the following is not a complete sentence?

(A) Help!
(B) Alas!
(C) Well!
(D) They are all perfectly complete in every way.

Identify the error in this excerpt from an email:


I just talked to Mr. Murphy on the phone. He wanted to leave a message for you. He said, "If my tax return is not completed by Friday, I am taking my money elsewhere." He sounded extremely angry- maybe you should stop procrastinating on that return.


(A) said, "If
(B) Friday, I am
(C) angry- maybe
(D) No error.

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