Read the full text of All's Well That Ends Well Act 2 Scene 5 with a side-by-side translation HERE.
- Elsewhere in the royal palace, Lafeu and Bertram talk about Bertram's BFF, Paroles.
- Bertram tries to convince Lafeu that Paroles is a great guy and an awesome soldier, but Lafeu doesn't buy it. In fact, when Paroles strolls in, Lafeu immediately starts to bag on his clothes.
- Bertram and Paroles whisper about Bertram's plan to ditch Helen.
- Lafeu storms off after warning Bertram that he shouldn't trust Paroles: the guy is a liar and an idiot.
- Helen shows up and Bertram basically calls her the old ball and chain.
- Bertram makes Helen promise that she'll return to Roussillon and that she won't ask any questions about why he's ditching out on her. He promises he'll meet her in Roussillon in two days.
- She responds, "Sir, I can nothing say / But that that I am your most obedient servant." (Ugh. That's code for "Sure, go ahead and treat me like a doormat.")
- Helen's unwilling groom is annoyed by her obedient servant routine and tells her to knock it off.
- Apparently she's not getting the hint, and she makes it clear that she wants her husband to kiss her goodbye.
- Bertram blows her off and tells her to go home. Then he mutters something under his breath about how she'll never see him again.