Enter Pompey. POMPEY
I am as well acquainted here as I was in our
house of profession. One would think it were Mistress
Overdone’s own house, for here be many of
her old customers. First, here’s young Master Rash.
He’s in for a commodity of brown paper and old 5
ginger, ninescore and seventeen pounds, of which
he made five marks ready money. Marry, then
ginger was not much in request, for the old women
were all dead. Then is there here one Master Caper,
at the suit of Master Three-pile the mercer, for some 10
four suits of peach-colored satin, which now
peaches him a beggar. Then have we here young
Dizzy and young Master Deep-vow, and Master
Copper-spur and Master Starve-lackey the rapier-and-dagger
man, and young Drop-heir that killed 15
lusty Pudding, and Master Forth-light the tilter, and
brave Master Shoe-tie the great traveler, and wild
Half-can that stabbed Pots, and I think forty more,
all great doers in our trade, and are now “for the
Lord’s sake.” 20 Enter Abhorson. ABHORSON
Sirrah, bring Barnardine hither. POMPEY, calling
Master Barnardine, you must rise
and be hanged, Master Barnardine. ABHORSON, calling
What ho, Barnardine! BARNARDINE, within
A pox o’ your throats! Who makes 25
that noise there? What are you? POMPEY, calling to Barnardine offstage
Your friends,
sir, the hangman. You must be so good, sir, to rise
and be put to death. BARNARDINE, within
Away, you rogue, away! I am 30
sleepy. ABHORSON, to Pompey
Tell him he must awake, and
that quickly too. POMPEY, calling
Pray, Master Barnardine, awake till
you are executed, and sleep afterwards. 35 ABHORSON
Go in to him, and fetch him out. POMPEY
He is coming, sir, he is coming. I hear his
straw rustle. ABHORSON
Is the axe upon the block, sirrah? POMPEY Very ready, sir. 40 Enter Barnardine. BARNARDINE
How now, Abhorson? What’s the news
with you? ABHORSON
Truly, sir, I would desire you to clap into
your prayers, for, look you, the warrant’s come. BARNARDINE
You rogue, I have been drinking all night. 45
I am not fitted for ’t. POMPEY
O, the better, sir, for he that drinks all night
and is hanged betimes in the morning may sleep the
sounder all the next day. | Pompey takes a look around the prison and declares that he feels like he's at his workplace, Mistress Overdone's brothel. (In other words, most of Overdone's customers are now in jail.) Abhorson calls Barnardine out of his cell and announces that it's time for him to be executed. Barnardine says he was partying and drinking all night, so he's not fit to be executed right now, on account of his terrible hangover. Pompey says the best cure for a hangover is a good hanging because it allows one to sleep it off…permanently. |
Enter Duke, as a Friar. ABHORSON, to Barnardine
Look you, sir, here comes 50
your ghostly father. Do we jest now, think you? DUKE, as Friar, to Barnardine
Sir, induced by my
charity, and hearing how hastily you are to depart, I
am come to advise you, comfort you, and pray with
you. 55 BARNARDINE
Friar, not I. I have been drinking hard all
night, and I will have more time to prepare me, or
they shall beat out my brains with billets. I will not
consent to die this day, that’s certain. DUKE, as Friar
O, sir, you must. And therefore I 60
beseech you look forward on the journey you shall
go. BARNARDINE
I swear I will not die today for any man’s
persuasion. DUKE, as Friar
But hear you— 65 BARNARDINE
Not a word. If you have anything to say to
me, come to my ward, for thence will not I today. He exits. DUKE, as Friar
Unfit to live or die. O gravel heart!
After him, fellows; bring him to the block. Abhorson and Pompey exit. Enter Provost. PROVOST
Now, sir, how do you find the prisoner? 70 DUKE, as Friar
A creature unprepared, unmeet for death,
And to transport him in the mind he is
Were damnable. PROVOST
Here in the prison, father,
There died this morning of a cruel fever 75
One Ragozine, a most notorious pirate,
A man of Claudio’s years, his beard and head
Just of his color. What if we do omit
This reprobate till he were well inclined,
And satisfy the Deputy with the visage 80
Of Ragozine, more like to Claudio? DUKE, as Friar
O, ’tis an accident that heaven provides!
Dispatch it presently. The hour draws on
Prefixed by Angelo. See this be done
And sent according to command, whiles I 85
Persuade this rude wretch willingly to die. PROVOST
This shall be done, good father, presently.
But Barnardine must die this afternoon,
And how shall we continue Claudio,
To save me from the danger that might come 90
If he were known alive? DUKE, as Friar
Let this be done:
Put them in secret holds, both Barnardine and
Claudio.
Ere twice the sun hath made his journal greeting 95
To yonder generation, you shall find
Your safety manifested. PROVOST
I am your free dependent. DUKE, as Friar
Quick, dispatch, and send the head to Angelo. Provost exits. | The Duke arrives in his friar disguise and offers to pray with Barnardine before he dies. Barnardine says he's not feeling well enough to be executed and says he's going back to his cell, but thanks anyway. The Duke orders Pompey and Abhorson to take Barnardine to the chopping block. The Duke complains to the Provost that Barnardine isn't prepared for death and it would be a "damnable" sin to execute a man who isn't ready to die. Duke Vincentio is upset because it doesn't seem like his plan is going to work. But then the Provost reveals that a pirate who looks like Claudio just died in the prison that morning. They can cut off his head and send it to Angelo. (Gee. What a strange coincidence.) The Provost runs off to hide both Claudio and Barnardine so Angelo won't know he's being scammed. |
DUKE
Now will I write letters to Angelo— 100
The Provost he shall bear them—whose contents
Shall witness to him I am near at home
And that by great injunctions I am bound
To enter publicly. Him I’ll desire
To meet me at the consecrated fount 105
A league below the city; and from thence,
By cold gradation and well-balanced form,
We shall proceed with Angelo. Enter Provost, carrying a head. PROVOST
Here is the head. I’ll carry it myself. DUKE, as Friar
Convenient is it. Make a swift return, 110
For I would commune with you of such things
That want no ear but yours. PROVOST
I’ll make all speed. He exits. ISABELLA, within
Peace, ho, be here. DUKE
The tongue of Isabel. She’s come to know 115
If yet her brother’s pardon be come hither.
But I will keep her ignorant of her good
To make her heavenly comforts of despair
When it is least expected. Enter Isabella. ISABELLA
Ho, by your leave. 120 DUKE, as Friar
Good morning to you, fair and gracious daughter. ISABELLA
The better, given me by so holy a man.
Hath yet the Deputy sent my brother’s pardon? DUKE, as Friar
He hath released him, Isabel, from the world.
His head is off, and sent to Angelo. 125 ISABELLA
Nay, but it is not so. DUKE, as Friar
It is no other.
Show your wisdom, daughter, in your close patience. ISABELLA
O, I will to him and pluck out his eyes! DUKE, as Friar
You shall not be admitted to his sight. 130 ISABELLA
Unhappy Claudio, wretched Isabel,
Injurious world, most damnèd Angelo! DUKE, as Friar
This nor hurts him nor profits you a jot.
Forbear it, therefore; give your cause to heaven.
Mark what I say, which you shall find 135
By every syllable a faithful verity.
The Duke comes home tomorrow—nay, dry your
eyes.
One of our convent, and his confessor,
Gives me this instance. Already he hath carried 140
Notice to Escalus and Angelo,
Who do prepare to meet him at the gates,
There to give up their power. If you can, pace your
wisdom
In that good path that I would wish it go, 145
And you shall have your bosom on this wretch,
Grace of the Duke, revenges to your heart,
And general honor. ISABELLA
I am directed by you. DUKE, as Friar, showing her a paper
This letter, then, to Friar Peter give. 150
’Tis that he sent me of the Duke’s return.
Say, by this token, I desire his company
At Mariana’s house tonight. Her cause and yours
I’ll perfect him withal, and he shall bring you
Before the Duke, and to the head of Angelo 155
Accuse him home and home. For my poor self,
I am combinèd by a sacred vow
And shall be absent. Wend you with this letter. He hands her the paper. Command these fretting waters from your eyes
With a light heart. Trust not my holy order 160
If I pervert your course.—Who’s here? | The Duke writes Angelo a letter announcing that he'll be back in town soon and that Angelo should meet him at a fountain in Vienna. The Provost returns with the Pirate's head and runs off to deliver it to Angelo. Isabella enters the prison asking about her brother. For some reason, the Duke decides it's a good idea to lie and say that, sadly, Claudio has been executed. Isabella is crushed, but the Duke calms her down by promising that he has a plan to punish Angelo. The Duke gives Isabella a letter to deliver to Friar Peter and promises her that she'll be able to lodge a complaint with the Duke who is due back in Vienna any day now. Isabella should meet with him at Mariana's house later that night. |
Enter Lucio. LUCIO
Good even, friar, where’s the Provost? DUKE, as Friar
Not within, sir. LUCIO
O, pretty Isabella, I am pale at mine heart to see
thine eyes so red. Thou must be patient. I am fain to 165
dine and sup with water and bran. I dare not for my
head fill my belly. One fruitful meal would set me to
’t. But they say the Duke will be here tomorrow. By
my troth, Isabel, I loved thy brother. If the old
fantastical duke of dark corners had been at home, 170
he had lived. Isabella exits. DUKE, as Friar Sir, the Duke is marvelous little beholding
to your reports, but the best is, he lives not
in them. LUCIO
Friar, thou knowest not the Duke so well as I do. 175
He’s a better woodman than thou tak’st him for. DUKE, as Friar
Well, you’ll answer this one day. Fare
you well. LUCIO
Nay, tarry, I’ll go along with thee. I can tell thee
pretty tales of the Duke. 180 DUKE, as Friar
You have told me too many of him
already, sir, if they be true; if not true, none were
enough. LUCIO
I was once before him for getting a wench with
child. 185 DUKE, as Friar
Did you such a thing? LUCIO
Yes, marry, did I, but I was fain to forswear it.
They would else have married me to the rotten
medlar. DUKE, as Friar
Sir, your company is fairer than honest. 190
Rest you well. LUCIO
By my troth, I’ll go with thee to the lane’s end. If
bawdy talk offend you, we’ll have very little of it.
Nay, friar, I am a kind of burr. I shall stick. They exit. | Lucio enters and declares that, if Duke Vincentio hadn't run off to some secret hiding place, Claudio never would have been executed. Lucio confesses that he once got a girl pregnant, but denied it when he was taken to court. As a result, he got off the hook without having to marry her. Hm. Something tells us this confession might come back to haunt him. |