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Shmoop in the Bible Genesis by phil collins a waitron runs

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hello and welcome to smoke in the Bible I'm Cecil B dish mop and sometimes i [Cecil introducing himself]

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like to roll around in a bathtub full of all the cash I Vern via my religious [Cecil in a tub of cash]

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studies degree well today we're going to take a page

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from Maria von Trapp playbook and start at the very beginning and no we won't

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have singing children dressed in curtains but we will have the creation [Children singing in curtains]

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of earth and all of the life on it so it kind of evens out there right well in

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case you haven't figured it out today we're talking about the first book of

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the Bible Genesis so let's get started space empty as far as the eye can see [Genesis book opens]

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what were you and ICMP nothingness God sees an opportunity plus he didn't have

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any plans that week so i had to kill some time anyway so he created both

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heavens a formless empty earth and everything on it i have a feeling the [God creates heaven]

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schedule with something like this let's see day one

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let there be light separate light from darkness also x ray bans day two, create sky

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and oceans that may be booked a Mossad but creating is just so exhausting hard

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on the lower back day 3 heard water in one place so dry

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land can exist and think about starting a line of cruise ships made for what [Ships in the ocean]

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stars sun and moon up there in the sky so future earth-dwellers can you know

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keep track of time I mean he could just made I watches [God looks at iWatch]

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available little earlier but what do I know

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day 5 make sea creatures and birds tell them to be fruitful and multiply the

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week a lot i'll get it and whisper giggidy - Day 6 create land creatures and

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well what they add mankind just a mess everything up [God with land animals and humans appear]

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tell them to be fruitful and multiply link a lot they'll get it they Goethe

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yeah alright day 7 nap time maybe watch a movie some ice cream and [God with ice cream on the couch]

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basically just take a break and that's it

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well kind of let's revisit that whole creation of mankind thing again because

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we actually do revisit it in the Bible it's a good part of the good book and [People protesting for a remake]

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everyone loves a remake the second time we hear about God created mankind the

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heavens and earth are already in place because come on that was a lot of work

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the first time around this time God makes a man from the dust of the ground [Man appears from dust]

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in Hebrew the word foreground is Adama and the word for man is well Adam

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no not the most creative names but c'mon

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God had a day off he deserves to do something the easy way anyway God

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breathes life into Adams nostrils and Adam was presumably like please stop [God blows into Adam's nostrils]

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blowing into my nostrils God then plant a garden in Eden because hey everyone

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has a hobby in his garden plants the Tree of Life and the tree of knowledge [God with tree of life and knowledge]

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of good and evil and one of the orange tree felt super inadequate anyway but

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now I'll oranges they have appeal anyway god let's Adam chill out in the garden

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and tells him there's only one rule don't eat from the tree of knowledge [Adam picks fruit from tree]

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that meets its fruit will become mortal and spoiler alert mortals die

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Adams like a fan of social experiments are you there God and God was like a

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everyone has a hobby for those of you keeping score at home

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God's hobbies are apparently gardening and intense social experiments have to

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bring assault but next God takes out Adams rig and makes him a wife you know

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between and after blowing in the rib taking and it's been a tough day for [Wife appears beside Adam]

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Adam anyway Adam and his new rig life are naked but they don't know any better

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so it's no big deal as they say well ignorance is bliss but all good naked [Adam and wife riding animals]

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things must come to an end even when you're naked and very very

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afraid and the end of this paradise comes be a snake hissing questions about [Snake hissing to wife]

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God's forbidden fruit law in the missus well they debate the ambivalence of

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God's only very straightforward law and at the end of the day while she decided

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to chow down but what fun is eating alone she offers a bite to Adam because [Wife offers fruit to Adam]

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caring is sharing even when you're causing the downfall of all humanity so

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there they are much in a way when they realize groups there it is there naked

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though they snapped some fig leaves to make the world's first fruit of the loom

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undies and then you know put them on up well God comes by to check in may be [God looking through window pane]

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bringing a new garden warming present and the newlyweds usually try to hide

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which obviously doesn't go well because you know the whole omnipotence thing

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well Adam admits that they hate the fruit and made the clothing he blames

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his wife who blames snake who probably would have claimed snake white had one

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after around blame game OT God gets down to what he does vast punishment he's all

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like well first I got to admit this was a great social experiment two green [God discussing punishments]

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thumbs up but then he goes on to say okay so punishment snakes will crawl on

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their bellies and be feared and load women will bear kids which that's a good

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punishment even by my standards oh and they'll also be ruled by man so

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good luck in the working world Oh in man you'll farm on bad soil and [Man farming]

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die and women and snakes will die too don't think you get out of that one and

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he was probably like gotta go do some pruning y'all later help seriously one

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rule to follow adam yeah this is why you were named after dirt on the lighter

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side Adam names his wife eve because well you know he controls are now he's [Adam places Eve name sticker]

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well all this for some fruit not even like a Boston cream pie with nothing to

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do outside the garden Adam and Eve passed the time by knowing each other

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biblically it's a capital K there that no way thing right dignity

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yeah there was no natural expected nor do they know what chillin was

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and with that kind of knowledge comes help children their first son is farmer [Adam and Eve holding children]

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Kane their second is Sheppard able well can enable each give offerings to God

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can offers grain cable offers a sheep godlike some both but cheap goes great

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with potatoes he's growing in his garden so he sends able fancy thank you card [Abel holding a thank you card]

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and just scribbles gain a quick note on binder paper.. Cain doesn't take this

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too well you probably paid extra for gift wrapping at Nordstrom or something

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so he kills Abel and then lies about it apparently everyone is forgetting about [Cain kills Abel]

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the whole omnipotence big God knows a liar when he sees one so we find it just

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came with blood seeps oil will never grow anything else just kinda icky well

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as Cain's force East of Eden God has Ma and Pa replace able with the third Sun

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set what follows is a genealogy of pre-flood [Adam and Eve with third son]

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figures that presumably had a diet with better than Adkins or jenny craig as

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they almost all lived over a thousand years that's almost inspiring enough to

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make us give up flamin hot cheetos almost any way in another classic OT God [Cecil takes bite of cheetos]

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move he decides he's sick of people so he decides to do around the world and

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wipe out humanity what Netflix still wasn't around you know what we're gonna

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do oh and for good measure he cuts man's

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life span down to a hundred twenty years max well not every man he gives his

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buddy Noah reprieve is like a man build a boat a cruise enjoy life also could [God asking Noah to build a boat]

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you take like every species with you there's school don't know abilities are

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can advise his wife his sons his sons wives and a lady and gent of all species

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we're guessing the unicorns arrived at the dr little too late [Unicorns appear at the dock]

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well flood-hit and arrange for days and 40 nights after a hundred fifty days of

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flood and probably one really nasty smelling Cruz knows back online with one

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mission make some babies yeah and he does just that once he's all

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done he does the age nine hundred but his sons and grandsons and

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great-grandsons keep making babies to form new nations all that winking has [God winking]

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clearly paid off and since the creation of you know everything takes a while I'm

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cutting us off here but there's a plenty more Genesis cover so until next time i'm

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Cecil B Deshmoop and I'm gonna wipe out all of humanity that just getting i

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have netflix I'm gonna go watch Netflix and chill [Cecil and gang watching netflix]

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