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Nothing says

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WWI like trench

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warfare. This hellish

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mode of combat was the great war's

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super-depressing calling card.

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So what is it, exactly? Well,

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it is about what it sounds like.

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War, in trenches—

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really miserable trenches.

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On the one hand, these trenches were good things

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for the soldiers. After all, it's kinda hard

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to shoot a guy when he's hiding in a ditch.

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And these weren't just any old ditches.

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They were several thousand

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miles of frontline trenches,

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reserve-line trenches, communications

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trenches, dummy trenches,

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and intelligent trenches

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on both sides of the conflict.

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Okay, fine, we made up the intelligent trenches.

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The rest are real, though. And as if

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Europeans weren't already connoisseurs of

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enough things, the Great War helped them become

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connoisseurs of ditches, too.

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But really, trench warfare just

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turned everyone involved into connoisseurs of

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awfulness. For one, they

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made the war take forever. Since the trenches

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made it hard to shoot people, it was hard

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for anyone to gain any ground.

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Even though the trenches protected soldiers,

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a good thing, it also kept them in the

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middle of a war for way longer than

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anybody expected. Bad thing.

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To make matters worse, the trenches

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were truly terrible places to be.

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Death surrounded the soldiers all

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day, every day. Like, literally.

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Men were getting mowed down by

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artillery and were sometimes buried in the

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trench where they fell. Not exactly

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the kind of company you'd want in the trenches.

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As if that weren't horrible enough,

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there were also millions of rats

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infesting the trenches.

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And let's just say trench warfare

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allowed rats to become connoisseurs of

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decomposing human bodies.

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Yeah. Ratatouille, it was not.

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If the rats were eating people,

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what were the people eating?

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Yeah, not much. And what they did eat

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was cold. Which was why you'll

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never find a niche gourmet restaurant

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lovingly called La Trench.

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To add to the miserable factor, trenches also

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filled very quickly with rain,

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and were prone to subterranean

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flooding, leaving men soaked for weeks

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at a time. Yeah, check out this.

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This is trench food. That's what happens.

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Apparently the German trenches were a little bit nicer

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than the Allied ones. Some German trenches

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were built of stone, had deep

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electrified living quarters, and were centrally

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heated. But the Germans had extra

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motivation to build less awful trenches

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because, well, they had to stay in them for

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longer—whereas the French, British, and

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later American troops could be pulled off

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the front line and sent to the rear to

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rest and refit, the Germans

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could not. This wasn't their home.

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They were in enemy territory, and didn't have

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the luxury of towns and depots of

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friendly civilians to take care of them.

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Still, trench warfare was awful for

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both sides, no matter how nice the ditch they were

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living in, and sooner or later our commanding

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officer was going to tell us to hop out of our

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ditch and run towards the enemy's ditch

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from which they're most likely firing

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machine guns right atcha. Wow.

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