Pre-Baller. Salary: less than $10,000 

You're the hottest thing in your hometown papers, and all your neighbors and extended relatives are sure you're headed for great things. That is, until you sprain your wrist skateboarding in your junior year of high school. You spend most of the next summer rehabbing your wrist—which gives you a strange amount of control over your pitches.

Minor League Farmhand. Salary: $50,000 

After being top dog on your university team four years in a row, you're finally signed to a major league franchise—so it's off to the minor leagues for you. In your first game with the team, they've managed a crowd of about 300. You tell yourself they came for you, but you also know it's free corndog night.

The Big Time. Salary: $500,000 

You're a rookie. But because you're not little Henry in Rookie of the Year with an unbelievably powerful throwing arm, you spend most of an unspectacular season just trying to learn where the fresh towels are kept.

Stableball. Salary: $3,000,000 

You joined the St. Louis Cardinals six years ago, which means you've been in the majors for a while and you're here to stay—just not with the Cardinals. Let's hope the fans who worshiped you over the past several years will forgive you now that you've signed a five-year contract with the Boston Red Sox. Then again, with so much cash and a playoff opportunity headed your way, who needs forgiveness?

Hall of Famer. Salary: $10,000,000 

Now in your eighteenth season, you basically have it all. You're three home runs away from breaking the MLB record, you're one of the highest paid players in the biz, and your hilarious commercials with big name brands have made you a household name. If only you could get your kids to listen to you, life would be grand.