Research Assistant. Salary: $55,000 or less 

The team leader begins giving out today's assignments. You wait patiently as she goes down the line of experienced doctors. Finally, when she gets to you, she smiles, and you smile back. "We'll need nine cups of black coffee and one of decaf, thanks." You're still smiling, but you no longer believe in it.

Junior Researcher. Salary: $70,000

As you observe the 3D image in front of you, you're confused. What should look like a cancerous cell looks more like an awkward smiley face. You check the program and notice that someone's been messing with your slide. This is what passes for an office prank.

Senior Researcher. Salary: $79,000 

As you get the clinical results back from the lab, you sit sullenly at your desk. It always comes back positive, no matter how you measure the dosage. When you open the envelope, you see the word "Negative" at the top of the sheet, and have to stop yourself from screaming for joy.

College Professor. Salary: $110,000 

While you're in the middle of what you think is a very interesting lecture on cellular mitosis, you see that one of the students towards the back has fallen asleep. You slowly walk back, still talking, and on your pass brush his book off the desk, sending it toppling loudly to the floor. Without missing a beat, you continue describing nuclei as he screams.

Lead Researcher. Salary: $150,000 

As you walk into your office in the morning, one of the research assistants stops you at the door. "You have a call from the President," she says, out of breath. "Of the university?" you ask as you begin to pick up your pace. "No, of America," she says, and you begin to gallop.