Accidental Arsonist. Salary: $32,000 or less

Your first dish at the new place? Restaurant Flambé. Guess you should have been watching the open flame a little more closely. You can already see the red sirens in the distance fast approaching...

Short Order Cook. Salary: $38,000 

You're a short order cook at the cafeteria of a children's museum. You're not all that proud of the food you cook (mostly square pizzas), and everything smells like...kids. But at least the kitchen you work at isn't about to go under (unless, of course, Dali suddenly goes out of fashion).

Chain Chef. Salary: $46,000 

You're a chef at Applebee's. It's always packed, so you don't really have to worry about losing your job, but you also don't have any freedom as a "food artist." Also you have to tell people you "work at Applebee's." So there's that.

Head Chef. Salary: $102,000 

You're the head chef at an upscale restaurant in downtown Los Angeles. Your highly-coveted position allows you to charge twice what most other restaurants do for half as much food. Ha—suckers.

Celebrity Chef. Salary $556,000 

You host your own hugely successful cooking show in addition to owning a very well-known and celebrated restaurant about a mile from the studio. Plus, you don't feel the constant need to throw metal strainers and wire whisks at people, so you'll sleep better at night than someone else we know.