Tender. Salary: $32,120 

Diver tender sounds a whole lot nicer than "water butler," but that's basically what you're doing. As you monitor your senior diver's heart rate and oxygen supply in between trips to deliver them tools, you tell yourself that someday you'll get the butler treatment. Someday.

Inexperienced Diver. Salary: $41,030 

Marking the first time in history anyone has ever been happy about a destructive hurricane slamming the coast, you couldn't help but smile when you were rushed through training and promoted to diver early. People are definitely more cautious around you, but you know what you're doing. You do know what you're doing, right?

Commercial Diver. Salary: $45,890 

You've been a commercial diver for years, but this is the first time you've worked on building an underwater set for a TV commercial...about divers. It seems a bit too on the nose for you, but who are you to complain? You've got steady work, and there's something new to do every month. It's more than you can say for a lot of people with your job title.

HazMat Diver. Salary: $97,000 

As you carefully use a stick to wave a sea of broken glass away from your faceplate, you try to remember who it was that told you diving into raw sewage was a good idea. By the time you shake the dead rat from your glove, you remember: it was Bob. Bob will not be getting a holiday card this year.

Radiation Diver. Salary: $113,990 

As you swim around to the side of the Waratashi Nuclear Plant's intake tube, you start singing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life." You remember how radioactive this place is and sing louder. You bump into a piece of concrete and check your suit for a tear. You sing even louder. The intake tube almost sucks you in, and now you're screaming it.