Careers
Find yourself. Or at least find a job.
GET REAL
Real. That's how we want to be with you. Real to us means that if you're a guy who is 5 feet 9 inches tall and you have a vertical leap of less than 52 inches, you're simply not going to make it in the NBA.
Real means that if you are just barely surviving Algebra 2, you're not going to be an astronaut. You won't survive 5 minutes of astrophysics taught by angry military people
Real means that if you read slowly and struggle to get B's in English composition, it is highly likely that you will struggle through a non-elite law school (if you still decide to go), and then graduate as one of a gajillion indistinct lawyers who graduate each year into a job abyss. We simply have too many non-elite lawyers. And the only thing worse than a lawyer is a non-elite one.
There are a bunch of other "get real" scenarios, and we have a long cranky page on them here if you want to feel abused for a bit.
| IF: | THEN YOU WON'T BE: |
| You aren't hot | A model |
| You aren't great at math | A derivatives trader on Wall Street |
| You don't have true creative vision | An artist |
| You can't do more than about 5 sit-ups | An athlete (sumo wrestlers excluded) |
| You're not a fan of kids | A pediatrician |
| You can't stand the sight of fresh puke | A nurse |
| You don't love goopy stuff | A surgeon |
| You don't love numbers more than your own parents | An actuary or an accountant |
| You have a problem with back hair | A massage therapist |
| You are a klutz | A carpenter |
| You didn't start training when you were three | A ballerina |
We aren't your grandmother who thinks that everything you do is just awesome. We're not your coach who has nothing to lose by telling you to "go for it" (don’t sweat the academics or the time-conflicting-with-practice study hall – a 4.2 second 40-yard dash runner always gets a scholarship). We're not even your parents who likely have little clue about how "the system" works on any level beyond the world of their own lives and careers.
Shmoop Careers is here to help you get real – because we believe that if you don't, you'll end up spinning a lot of wheels and effort chasing a dream that either ends up being a nightmare – or turns out to be a dream that you didn't really want in the first place. Consider the thousands of would-be stars and starlets who hop off the bus at the Hollywood stop, thinking that being a star would solve their longings when, in fact, there were core self-esteem issues that stemmed from daddy not giving them enough compliments when they were little. Or something like that. You get the idea.