If you ever budge from the security office, it's to grab another bear claw. You're pretty sure the guys loading all those flat screen TVs into their unmarked van probably just forgot to wear their Best Buy uniforms today.

You've got experience but aren't taking home any awards for bravery. You can scare off an occasional shoplifter just by barking at them, though. This is good, because at your fitness level, there's as much chance of you running down a shoplifter as there is of bumping into Paris Hilton at a Mensa meeting.

You have a decent reputation with your company. You've learned to read people and can spot the shifty folks right away. You've been upgraded to banks and cash deliveries, and you're thrilled. Leaving the mall suits you fine, because you're pretty sure if you overhear one more group of teenagers speaking to each other in text message-style short hand, you're going to vomit. LOL.

You're one tough son of a gun. Not much happens on your shift that you don't know how to deal with. You've been doing personal VIP security for a while now and are about to get hired on with a firm that exclusively does security for celebrities and politicians. You've heard the parties are sick.

If you're on the job, stuff just couldn't be more secure. Banks, VIPs, politicians, museums, whatever. You've guarded it all and are considered about the best there is. You can practically smell a thief coming, which, if we're honest, may have less to do with your skills and prowess than it does with criminals' poor hygiene, but it works out in your favor either way.