Little League Volunteer. Salary: $0 

"Strike three!" you call out in your most impressive umpire voice. The batter's father erupts in a fit of rage. You ignore the father's complaints, but pay attention to the passion. Mental notes for the future here.

Fresh-Out-of-School Umpire. Salary: $12,000 

You finally get your first Single-A assignment, and you want to impress everybody so you show up nice and early at your appointed stadium. Unfortunately, the umpire crew gave you the wrong date as a prank. You don't figure that out until well after dinner.

Minor League Umpire. Salary: $30,000 

One of the MLB higher-ups noted your razor-sharp eye. He calls you into the office, and you think you're finally getting your big break. Instead, he asks for your help finding his wife's earring. It's lost in the carpet somewhere. As you're on your hands and knees, you tell yourself that this will pay off. Somehow.

Major League Umpire. Salary: $120,000 

With three on and two out, you call a third strike on a batter to end the inning. Not satisfied with your judgement, the coach proceeds to give you every thought in his head for the next seven minutes. Except for the occasional droplet of spit that hits your cheek, you don't really notice; you're going through tomorrow's grocery list in your mind.

World Series Crew Chief. Salary: $350,000 

After heading out of the officials' locker room, you're surprised by the cameras and reporters waiting in the hallway. They don't usually come to umpires; maybe it's because of that "controversial" call you made that cost the Cubs their first championship in over a hundred years. Or maybe they want to know your thoughts on Israel and Palestine...nah. It's probably the Cubs thing.