Enter Adriana, wife to Antipholus of Ephesus, with
Luciana, her sister. ADRIANA
Neither my husband nor the slave returned
That in such haste I sent to seek his master?
Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock. LUCIANA
Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,
And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner. 5
Good sister, let us dine, and never fret.
A man is master of his liberty;
Time is their master, and when they see time
They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister. ADRIANA
Why should their liberty than ours be more? 10 LUCIANA
Because their business still lies out o’ door. ADRIANA
Look when I serve him so, he takes it ill. LUCIANA
O, know he is the bridle of your will. ADRIANA
There’s none but asses will be bridled so. LUCIANA
Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe. 15
There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye
But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky.
The beasts, the fishes, and the wingèd fowls
Are their males’ subjects and at their controls.
Man, more divine, the master of all these, 20
Lord of the wide world and wild wat’ry seas,
Endued with intellectual sense and souls,
Of more preeminence than fish and fowls,
Are masters to their females, and their lords.
Then let your will attend on their accords. 25 ADRIANA
This servitude makes you to keep unwed. LUCIANA
Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed. ADRIANA
But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway. LUCIANA
Ere I learn love, I’ll practice to obey. ADRIANA
How if your husband start some otherwhere? 30 LUCIANA
Till he come home again, I would forbear. ADRIANA
Patience unmoved! No marvel though she pause;
They can be meek that have no other cause.
A wretched soul bruised with adversity
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry, 35
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain.
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
With urging helpless patience would relieve me;
But if thou live to see like right bereft, 40
This fool-begged patience in thee will be left. LUCIANA
Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
Here comes your man. Now is your husband nigh. | E. Antipholus’s wife Adriana, and her sister, Luciana, are at E. Antipholus’s house waiting for the man to come home for dinner. They have a little philosophical exchange, during which Luciana insists that men are freer than women because their work and responsibilities take them out of the home. She thinks her sister should just wait patiently for his return and understand that she can't control him. Adriana doesn’t take this comment so kindly. She says it’s this warped view of male-female relations that's keeping Luciana from getting married. Nope, Luciana says. It's because she's not interested in what happens in the marriage bed. (She's either not interested in sex, or not interested in being committed to one guy). Besides, before she gets married, she has to learn to obey. Adriana again chastises her for preaching patience and servitude when she doesn't really know what it's like to be married. Whatever, says Luciana. Here comes Dromio. That must mean Antipholus will be here shortly. |
Enter Dromio of Ephesus. ADRIANA
Say, is your tardy master now at hand? DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, he’s at two hands with me, 45
and that my two ears can witness. ADRIANA
Say, didst thou speak with him? Know’st thou his
mind? DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear.
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it. 50 LUCIANA
Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel
his meaning? DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, he struck so plainly I could
too well feel his blows, and withal so doubtfully
that I could scarce understand them. 55 ADRIANA
But say, I prithee, is he coming home?
It seems he hath great care to please his wife. DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Why, mistress, sure my master is horn mad. ADRIANA
Horn mad, thou villain? DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I mean not cuckold mad, 60
But sure he is stark mad.
When I desired him to come home to dinner,
He asked me for a thousand marks in gold.
“’Tis dinnertime,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.
“Your meat doth burn,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth 65
he.
“Will you come?” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.
“Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?”
“The pig,” quoth I, “is burned.” “My gold,” quoth
he. 70
“My mistress, sir,” quoth I. “Hang up thy mistress!
I know not thy mistress. Out on thy mistress!” LUCIANA Quoth who? DROMIO OF EPHESUS Quoth my master.
“I know,” quoth he, “no house, no wife, no 75
mistress.”
So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders,
For, in conclusion, he did beat me there. ADRIANA
Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home. 80 DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Go back again and be new beaten home?
For God’s sake, send some other messenger. ADRIANA
Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across. DROMIO OF EPHESUS
And he will bless that cross with other beating.
Between you, I shall have a holy head. 85 ADRIANA
Hence, prating peasant. Fetch thy master home. DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Am I so round with you as you with me,
That like a football you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither.
If I last in this service, you must case me in leather. 90 He exits. | E. Dromio enters the scene, and explains what happened with S. Antipholus at the marketplace—still, of course, thinking S. Antipholus was actually his master, E. Antipholus. Then E. Dromio explains to Adriana that her husband has gone mad, and denies that he has a wife—her. Now Adriana is even more miffed. She sends E. Dromio back to the marketplace to get E. Antipholus again. E. Dromio hesitantly goes again, but only after Adriana threatens to beat him. |
LUCIANA
Fie, how impatience loureth in your face. ADRIANA
His company must do his minions grace,
Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
Hath homely age th’ alluring beauty took
From my poor cheek? Then he hath wasted it. 95
Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit?
If voluble and sharp discourse be marred,
Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard.
Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
That’s not my fault; he’s master of my state. 100
What ruins are in me that can be found
By him not ruined? Then is he the ground
Of my defeatures. My decayèd fair
A sunny look of his would soon repair.
But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale 105
And feeds from home. Poor I am but his stale. LUCIANA
Self-harming jealousy, fie, beat it hence. ADRIANA
Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
Or else what lets it but he would be here? 110
Sister, you know he promised me a chain.
Would that alone o’ love he would detain,
So he would keep fair quarter with his bed.
I see the jewel best enamelèd
Will lose his beauty. Yet the gold bides still 115
That others touch, and often touching will
Wear gold; yet no man that hath a name
By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
I’ll weep what’s left away, and weeping die. 120 LUCIANA
How many fond fools serve mad jealousy! They exit. | Adriana now begins to worry that she must be old and ugly, so her husband prefers other company to hers. She blames E. Antipholus for wasting the beauty of her youth. Luciana tries to get her sister to pull it together, but she continues to complain. Adriana’s convinced E. Antipholus is out having a snack in some other woman’s kitchen. She mentions that her husband was supposed to be bringing her a necklace, but she fears it’s not a jewelry store that’s detaining him. |