NATHANIEL
Very reverend sport, truly, and done in the
testimony of a good conscience. HOLOFERNES
The deer was, as you know, sanguis, in
blood, ripe as the pomewater, who now hangeth
like a jewel in the ear of caelo, the sky, the welkin, 5
the heaven, and anon falleth like a crab on the face
of terra, the soil, the land, the earth. NATHANIEL
Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are
sweetly varied, like a scholar at the least. But, sir, I
assure you, it was a buck of the first head. 10 HOLOFERNES
Sir Nathaniel, haud credo. DULL
’Twas not a haud credo, ’twas a pricket. HOLOFERNES
Most barbarous intimation! Yet a kind of
insinuation, as it were, in via, in way, of explication;
facere, as it were, replication, or rather, ostentare, to 15
show, as it were, his inclination, after his undressed,
unpolished, uneducated, unpruned, untrained, or
rather unlettered, or ratherest, unconfirmed fashion,
to insert again my haud credo for a deer. DULL
I said the deer was not a haud credo, ’twas a 20
pricket. HOLOFERNES
Twice-sod simplicity, bis coctus!
O thou monster ignorance, how deformed dost thou
look! NATHANIEL
Sir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bred 25
in a book.
He hath not eat paper, as it were; he hath not drunk
ink. His intellect is not replenished. He is only an
animal, only sensible in the duller parts.
And such barren plants are set before us that we 30
thankful should be—
Which we of taste and feeling are—for those parts
that do fructify in us more than he.
For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet,
or a fool, 35
So were there a patch set on learning, to see him in
a school.
But omne bene, say I, being of an old father’s mind:
Many can brook the weather that love not the wind. DULL
You two are bookmen. Can you tell me by your wit 40
What was a month old at Cain’s birth that’s not
five weeks old as yet? HOLOFERNES
Dictynna, goodman Dull, Dictynna,
goodman Dull. DULL
What is “dictima”? 45 NATHANIEL
A title to Phoebe, to Luna, to the moon. HOLOFERNES
The moon was a month old when Adam was no
more.
And raught not to five weeks when he came to
fivescore. 50
Th’ allusion holds in the exchange. DULL
’Tis true indeed. The collusion holds in the
exchange. HOLOFERNES
God comfort thy capacity! I say, th’ allusion
holds in the exchange. 55 DULL
And I say the pollution holds in the exchange, for
the moon is never but a month old. And I say besides
that, ’twas a pricket that the Princess killed. HOLOFERNES
Sir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal
epitaph on the death of the deer? And, to humor 60
the ignorant, call I the deer the Princess killed a
pricket. NATHANIEL
Perge, good Master Holofernes, perge, so it
shall please you to abrogate scurrility. HOLOFERNES
I will something affect the letter, for it 65
argues facility.
The preyful princess pierced and pricked
a pretty pleasing pricket,
Some say a sore, but not a sore till now made
sore with shooting. 70
The dogs did yell. Put “l” to “sore,” then sorel
jumps from thicket,
Or pricket sore, or else sorel. The people fall
a-hooting.
If sore be sore, then “L” to “sore” makes fifty 75
sores o’ sorel.
Of one sore I an hundred make by adding but one
more “L.” NATHANIEL
A rare talent. DULL, aside If a talent be a claw, look how he claws 80
him with a talent. HOLOFERNES
This is a gift that I have, simple, simple—
a foolish extravagant spirit, full of forms,
figures, shapes, objects, ideas, apprehensions, motions,
revolutions. These are begot in the ventricle 85
of memory, nourished in the womb of pia mater,
and delivered upon the mellowing of occasion. But
the gift is good in those in whom it is acute, and I
am thankful for it. NATHANIEL
Sir, I praise the Lord for you, and so may 90
my parishioners, for their sons are well tutored by
you, and their daughters profit very greatly under
you. You are a good member of the
commonwealth. HOLOFERNES
Mehercle, if their sons be ingenious, 95
they shall want no instruction; if their daughters be
capable, I will put it to them. But Vir sapis qui pauca
loquitur. A soul feminine saluteth us. | We're introduced to two new characters, the schoolmaster Holofernes and Sir Nathaniel, the curate (country preacher). Holofernes is learned and enjoys talking. If he hasn't said something six different ways—four of them in Latin—he hasn't said it at all. Nathaniel seems to be a fan of this sort of thing. He compliments the schoolmaster's speech but disagrees with his assessment of the Princess's kill. Dull misunderstands their flowery language and references, which Nathaniel says in understandable since he's not educated. That's the "he hath not eat paper"/"he hath not drunk ink" bit. The three exchange a few more riddles (which mostly go over Dull's head), until Holofernes, inspired, offers "an extemporal epitaph on the death of the deer" (4.2.59). Holofernes has at it, delivering a little speech full of alliteration and wordplay. Nathaniel is impressed; Dull not so much. |
Enter Jaquenetta and the Clown Costard. JAQUENETTA, to Nathaniel God give you good morrow,
Master Person. 100 HOLOFERNES Master Person, quasi pierce one. And
if one should be pierced, which is the one? COSTARD
Marry, Master Schoolmaster, he that is likeliest
to a hogshead. HOLOFERNES
Of piercing a hogshead! A good luster 105
of conceit in a turf of earth; fire enough for a flint,
pearl enough for a swine. ’Tis pretty, it is well. JAQUENETTA, to Nathaniel
Good Master Parson, be so
good as read me this letter. It was given me by
Costard, and sent me from Don Armado. I beseech 110
you, read it. She hands Nathaniel a paper, which he looks at. HOLOFERNES
Facile precor gelida quando peccas omnia sub umbra.
Ruminat—
and so forth. Ah, good old Mantuan! I may speak of
thee as the traveler doth of Venice: 115
Venetia, Venetia,
Chi non ti vede, non ti pretia.
Old Mantuan, old Mantuan! Who understandeth
thee not, loves thee not. (He sings.) Ut, re, sol, la,
mi, fa. (To Nathaniel.) Under pardon, sir, what are 120
the contents? Or rather, as Horace says in his—
(Looking at the letter.) What, my soul, verses? NATHANIEL
Ay, sir, and very learned. HOLOFERNES
Let me hear a staff, a stanza, a verse,
Lege, domine. 125 NATHANIEL, reads
"If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love?
Ah, never faith could hold, if not to beauty vowed!
Though to myself forsworn, to thee I’ll faithful prove.
Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like osiers
bowed. 130
Study his bias leaves and makes his book thine eyes,
Where all those pleasures live that art would
comprehend.
If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice.
Well-learnèd is that tongue that well can thee 135
commend.
All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder;
Which is to me some praise that I thy parts admire.
Thy eye Jove’s lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful
thunder, 140
Which, not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire.
Celestial as thou art, O, pardon love this wrong,
That sings heaven’s praise with such an earthly tongue." HOLOFERNES
You find not the apostrophus, and so
miss the accent. Let me supervise the canzonet. 145 He takes the paper. Here are only numbers ratified,
but, for the elegancy, facility, and golden cadence of
poesy—caret. Ovidius Naso was the man. And why
indeed “Naso,” but for smelling out the odoriferous
flowers of fancy, the jerks of invention? Imitari is 150
nothing: so doth the hound his master, the ape his
keeper, the tired horse his rider.—But damosella
virgin, was this directed to you? JAQUENETTA
Ay, sir, from one Monsieur Berowne, one
of the strange queen’s lords. 155 HOLOFERNES
I will overglance the superscript: “To
the snow-white hand of the most beauteous Lady
Rosaline.” I will look again on the intellect of the
letter for the nomination of the party writing to
the person written unto: “Your Ladyship’s in all 160
desired employment, Berowne.” Sir Nathaniel, this
Berowne is one of the votaries with the King, and
here he hath framed a letter to a sequent of the
stranger queen’s: which accidentally, or by the way
of progression, hath miscarried. To Jaquenetta. 165
Trip and go, my sweet. Deliver this paper into the
royal hand of the King. It may concern much. Stay
not thy compliment. I forgive thy duty. Adieu. JAQUENETTA
Good Costard, go with me.—Sir, God
save your life. 170 COSTARD
Have with thee, my girl. Costard and Jaquenetta exit. | Costard and Jaquenetta enter and ask these learned folk to read the letter Costard has just delivered to Jaquenetta. Well of course it's the wrong one! Nathaniel reads aloud Berowne's letter to Rosaline. Holofernes looks it over and gives it a big fat shrug. Nothing special, in his opinion. And is Jaquenetta sure the letter was meant for her? She thinks so. But Holofernes reads the address and sees "Rosaline." He advises Jaquenetta to take the letter to the King. She exits with Costard. |
NATHANIEL
Sir, you have done this in the fear of God
very religiously; and, as a certain Father saith— HOLOFERNES
Sir, tell not me of the Father. I do fear
colorable colors. But to return to the verses: did 175
they please you, Sir Nathaniel? NATHANIEL Marvelous well for the pen. HOLOFERNES
I do dine today at the father’s of a certain
pupil of mine, where if, before repast, it shall
please you to gratify the table with a grace, I will, 180
on my privilege I have with the parents of the
foresaid child or pupil, undertake your ben venuto;
where I will prove those verses to be very unlearned,
neither savoring of poetry, wit, nor invention.
I beseech your society. 185 NATHANIEL
And thank you too; for society, saith the
text, is the happiness of life. HOLOFERNES
And certes the text most infallibly concludes
it. To Dull. Sir, I do invite you too. You shall
not say me nay. Pauca verba. Away! The gentles are 190
at their game, and we will to our recreation. They exit. | After Costard and Jaquenetta leave, Holofernes insults Berowne's letter a bit more. Then he invites Nathaniel and Dull to dinner, and they all exit together. |