Original Text |
Translated Text |
| Source: Folger Shakespeare Library |
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Enter the Ladies (the Princess, Rosaline,
Katherine, and Maria.) PRINCESS
Sweethearts, we shall be rich ere we depart,
If fairings come thus plentifully in.
A lady walled about with diamonds!
Look you what I have from the loving king. She shows a jewel. ROSALINE
Madam, came nothing else along with that? 5 PRINCESS
Nothing but this? Yes, as much love in rhyme
As would be crammed up in a sheet of paper
Writ o’ both sides the leaf, margent and all,
That he was fain to seal on Cupid’s name. ROSALINE
That was the way to make his godhead wax, 10
For he hath been five thousand year a boy. KATHERINE
Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows, too. ROSALINE
You’ll ne’er be friends with him. He killed your
sister. KATHERINE
He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy, 15
And so she died. Had she been light like you,
Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit,
She might ha’ been a grandam ere she died.
And so may you, for a light heart lives long. ROSALINE
What’s your dark meaning, mouse, of this light 20
word? KATHERINE
A light condition in a beauty dark. ROSALINE
We need more light to find your meaning out. KATHERINE
You’ll mar the light by taking it in snuff;
Therefore I’ll darkly end the argument. 25 ROSALINE
Look what you do, you do it still i’ th’ dark. KATHERINE
So do not you, for you are a light wench. ROSALINE
Indeed, I weigh not you, and therefore light. KATHERINE
You weigh me not? O, that’s you care not for me. ROSALINE
Great reason: for past care is still past cure. 30 PRINCESS
Well bandied both; a set of wit well played.
But, Rosaline, you have a favor too.
Who sent it? And what is it? ROSALINE
I would you knew.
An if my face were but as fair as yours, 35
My favor were as great. Be witness this. She shows a gift. Nay, I have verses too, I thank Berowne;
The numbers true; and were the numb’ring too,
I were the fairest goddess on the ground.
I am compared to twenty thousand fairs. 40
O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter. PRINCESS
Anything like? ROSALINE
Much in the letters, nothing in the praise. PRINCESS
Beauteous as ink: a good conclusion. KATHERINE
Fair as a text B in a copybook. 45 ROSALINE
Ware pencils, ho! Let me not die your debtor,
My red dominical, my golden letter.
O, that your face were not so full of O’s! PRINCESS
A pox of that jest! And I beshrew all shrows.
But, Katherine, what was sent to you 50
From fair Dumaine? KATHERINE
Madam, this glove. She shows the glove. PRINCESS
Did he not send you twain? KATHERINE
Yes, madam, and moreover,
Some thousand verses of a faithful lover, 55
A huge translation of hypocrisy,
Vilely compiled, profound simplicity. MARIA
This, and these pearls, to me sent Longaville. She shows a paper and pearls. The letter is too long by half a mile. PRINCESS
I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart 60
The chain were longer and the letter short? MARIA
Ay, or I would these hands might never part. PRINCESS
We are wise girls to mock our lovers so. ROSALINE
They are worse fools to purchase mocking so.
That same Berowne I’ll torture ere I go. 65
O, that I knew he were but in by th’ week,
How I would make him fawn, and beg, and seek,
And wait the season, and observe the times,
And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rhymes,
And shape his service wholly to my hests, 70
And make him proud to make me proud that jests!
So pair-taunt-like would I o’ersway his state,
That he should be my fool, and I his fate. PRINCESS
None are so surely caught, when they are catched,
As wit turned fool. Folly in wisdom hatched 75
Hath wisdom’s warrant and the help of school,
And wit’s own grace to grace a learnèd fool. ROSALINE
The blood of youth burns not with such excess
As gravity’s revolt to wantonness. MARIA
Folly in fools bears not so strong a note 80
As fool’ry in the wise, when wit doth dote,
Since all the power thereof it doth apply
To prove, by wit, worth in simplicity. | The Princess and her ladies enter the grounds and compare gifts and letters from the men in their lives. They make ruthless fun of the long letters full of exaggerated flattery, and compliment themselves on being wise enough to mock their lovers in this way. In an otherwise light exchange, there's one shadow: Katharine's sister died of love. At the moment, the women protect themselves with their wit. |
Enter Boyet. PRINCESS
Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face. BOYET
O, I am stabbed with laughter. Where’s her Grace? 85 PRINCESS
Thy news, Boyet? BOYET
Prepare, madam, prepare.
Arm, wenches, arm. Encounters mounted are
Against your peace. Love doth approach, disguised,
Armèd in arguments. You’ll be surprised. 90
Muster your wits, stand in your own defense,
Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence. PRINCESS
Saint Denis to Saint Cupid! What are they
That charge their breath against us? Say, scout, say. BOYET
Under the cool shade of a sycamore, 95
I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour.
When, lo, to interrupt my purposed rest,
Toward that shade I might behold addressed
The King and his companions. Warily
I stole into a neighbor thicket by, 100
And overheard what you shall overhear:
That, by and by, disguised, they will be here.
Their herald is a pretty knavish page
That well by heart hath conned his embassage.
Action and accent did they teach him there: 105
“Thus must thou speak,” and “thus thy body bear.”
And ever and anon they made a doubt
Presence majestical would put him out;
“For,” quoth the King, “an angel shalt thou see;
Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.” 110
The boy replied “An angel is not evil.
I should have feared her had she been a devil.”
With that, all laughed and clapped him on the
shoulder,
Making the bold wag by their praises bolder. 115
One rubbed his elbow thus, and fleered, and swore
A better speech was never spoke before.
Another with his finger and his thumb,
Cried “Via! We will do ’t, come what will come.”
The third he capered and cried “All goes well!” 120
The fourth turned on the toe, and down he fell.
With that, they all did tumble on the ground
With such a zealous laughter so profound
That in this spleen ridiculous appears,
To check their folly, passion’s solemn tears. 125 PRINCESS
But what, but what? Come they to visit us? BOYET
They do, they do; and are appareled thus,
Like Muscovites, or Russians, as I guess.
Their purpose is to parley, to court, and dance,
And every one his love-feat will advance 130
Unto his several mistress—which they’ll know
By favors several which they did bestow. PRINCESS
And will they so? The gallants shall be tasked,
For, ladies, we will every one be masked,
And not a man of them shall have the grace, 135
Despite of suit, to see a lady’s face.
Hold, Rosaline, this favor thou shalt wear,
And then the King will court thee for his dear.
Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine.
So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline. 140 Princess and Rosaline exchange favors.
And change you favors too. So shall your loves
Woo contrary, deceived by these removes. Katherine and Maria exchange favors. ROSALINE
Come on, then, wear the favors most in sight. KATHERINE, to Princess But in this changing, what is your intent? PRINCESS
The effect of my intent is to cross theirs. 145
They do it but in mockery merriment,
And mock for mock is only my intent.
Their several counsels they unbosom shall
To loves mistook, and so be mocked withal
Upon the next occasion that we meet, 150
With visages displayed, to talk and greet. ROSALINE
But shall we dance, if they desire us to ’t? PRINCESS
No, to the death we will not move a foot,
Nor to their penned speech render we no grace,
But while ’tis spoke each turn away her face. 155 BOYET
Why, that contempt will kill the speaker’s heart,
And quite divorce his memory from his part. PRINCESS
Therefore I do it, and I make no doubt
The rest will ne’er come in if he be out.
There’s no such sport as sport by sport o’erthrown, 160
To make theirs ours and ours none but our own.
So shall we stay, mocking intended game,
And they, well mocked, depart away with shame. Sound trumpet, within. BOYET
The trumpet sounds. Be masked; the maskers come. The Ladies mask. | Boyet enters laughing. He overheard the King and his men planning to dress up like Russians and visit the women. Boyet also shares the important detail that each man will know his woman by the favor (gift) she wears—the Princess's diamond, Rosaline's pearl, Katharine's glove and Maria's necklace. Oh, will they now? The Princess has the ingenious plan to mask their faces and exchange favors, so the men will woo the wrong lady. On top of that, the women will refuse to dance or even listen to their love speeches. Why? Because they assume the men are pursuing them for sport, so they'll give sport back. And they'll win. |
Enter Blackamoors with music, the Boy with a speech,
the King, Berowne, and the rest of the Lords disguised. BOY
All hail, the richest beauties on the Earth! 165 BOYET
Beauties no richer than rich taffeta. BOY
A holy parcel of the fairest dames
(The Ladies turn their backs to him.)
That ever turned their—backs—to mortal views. BEROWNE
Their eyes, villain, their eyes! BOY
That ever turned their eyes to mortal views. 170
Out— BOYET
True; out indeed. BOY
Out of your favors, heavenly spirits, vouchsafe
Not to behold— BEROWNE
Once to behold, rogue! 175 BOY
Once to behold with your sun-beamèd eyes—
With your sun-beamèd eyes— BOYET
They will not answer to that epithet.
You were best call it “daughter-beamèd eyes.” BOY
They do not mark me, and that brings me out. 180 BEROWNE
Is this your perfectness? Begone, you rogue! Boy exits. ROSALINE, speaking as the Princess
What would these strangers? Know their minds,
Boyet.
If they do speak our language, ’tis our will
That some plain man recount their purposes. 185
Know what they would. BOYET What would you with the
Princess? BEROWNE
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation. ROSALINE
What would they, say they? 190 BOYET
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation. ROSALINE
Why, that they have, and bid them so be gone. BOYET
She says you have it, and you may be gone. KING
Say to her we have measured many miles
To tread a measure with her on this grass. 195 BOYET
They say that they have measured many a mile
To tread a measure with you on this grass. ROSALINE
It is not so. Ask them how many inches
Is in one mile. If they have measured many,
The measure then of one is eas’ly told. 200 BOYET
If to come hither you have measured miles,
And many miles, the Princess bids you tell
How many inches doth fill up one mile. BEROWNE
Tell her we measure them by weary steps. BOYET
She hears herself. 205 ROSALINE
How many weary steps
Of many weary miles you have o’ergone
Are numbered in the travel of one mile? BEROWNE
We number nothing that we spend for you.
Our duty is so rich, so infinite, 210
That we may do it still without account.
Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face
That we, like savages, may worship it. ROSALINE
My face is but a moon, and clouded too. KING
Blessèd are clouds, to do as such clouds do! 215
Vouchsafe, bright moon, and these thy stars, to
shine,
Those clouds removed, upon our watery eyne. ROSALINE
O vain petitioner, beg a greater matter!
Thou now requests but moonshine in the water. 220 KING
Then in our measure do but vouchsafe one change.
Thou bidd’st me beg; this begging is not strange. ROSALINE
Play music, then. Nay, you must do it soon. Music begins. Not yet? No dance! Thus change I like the moon. KING
Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged? 225 ROSALINE
You took the moon at full, but now she’s changed. KING
Yet still she is the moon, and I the man.
The music plays. Vouchsafe some motion to it. ROSALINE
Our ears vouchsafe it. KING
But your legs should do it. 230 ROSALINE
Since you are strangers and come here by chance,
We’ll not be nice. Take hands. We will not dance. She offers her hand. KING
Why take we hands then? ROSALINE
Only to part friends.—
Curtsy, sweethearts—and so the measure ends. 235 KING
More measure of this measure! Be not nice. ROSALINE
We can afford no more at such a price. KING
Prize you yourselves. What buys your company? ROSALINE
Your absence only. KING
That can never be. 240 ROSALINE
Then cannot we be bought. And so adieu—
Twice to your visor, and half once to you. KING
If you deny to dance, let’s hold more chat. ROSALINE
In private, then. KING
I am best pleased with that. 245 They move aside. | The men, costumed as Russians, enter with Moth and other attendants dressed up to look like Africans. Moth addresses the women in a speech of praise evidently written by Berowne. The ladies turn their backs. Enjoying the turn of events, mischievous Moth extemporizes. Berowne gets a little miffed, corrects and then dismisses him. With Boyet as intermediary, the men address the Princess—who is actually Rosaline. She messes with them. She asks for music, then refuses to dance. |
BEROWNE, to the Princess
White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee. PRINCESS, speaking as Rosaline
Honey, and milk, and sugar—there is three. BEROWNE
Nay then, two treys, an if you grow so nice,
Metheglin, wort, and malmsey. Well run, dice!
There’s half a dozen sweets. 250 PRINCESS
Seventh sweet, adieu.
Since you can cog, I’ll play no more with you. BEROWNE
One word in secret. PRINCESS
Let it not be sweet. BEROWNE
Thou grievest my gall. 255 PRINCESS
Gall! Bitter. BEROWNE
Therefore meet. They move aside. DUMAINE, to Maria
Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word? MARIA, speaking as Katherine
Name it. DUMAINE
Fair lady— 260 MARIA
Say you so? Fair lord!
Take that for your “fair lady.” DUMAINE
Please it you
As much in private, and I’ll bid adieu. They move aside. KATHERINE, speaking as Maria
What, was your vizard made without a tongue? 265 LONGAVILLE
I know the reason, lady, why you ask. KATHERINE
O, for your reason! Quickly, sir, I long. LONGAVILLE
You have a double tongue within your mask,
And would afford my speechless vizard half. KATHERINE
Veal, quoth the Dutchman. Is not veal a calf? 270 LONGAVILLE
A calf, fair lady? KATHERINE
No, a fair Lord Calf. LONGAVILLE
Let’s part the word. KATHERINE
No, I’ll not be your half.
Take all and wean it. It may prove an ox. 275 LONGAVILLE
Look how you butt yourself in these sharp mocks.
Will you give horns, chaste lady? Do not so. KATHERINE
Then die a calf before your horns do grow. LONGAVILLE
One word in private with you ere I die. KATHERINE
Bleat softly, then. The butcher hears you cry. 280 They move aside. BOYET
The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen
As is the razor’s edge invisible,
Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen;
Above the sense of sense, so sensible
Seemeth their conference. Their conceits have 285
wings
Fleeter than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, swifter
things. ROSALINE
Not one word more, my maids. Break off, break off! The Ladies move away from the Lords. BEROWNE
By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff! 290 KING
Farewell, mad wenches. You have simple wits. King, Lords, and Blackamoors exit. | Each man approaches the woman he thinks is his love. Berowne talks to the Princess, Dumain to Maria, Longaville to Katharine. They all get shut down, and they all seem pretty insulted. Fed up, the men leave. |
The Ladies unmask. PRINCESS
Twenty adieus, my frozen Muskovits.—
Are these the breed of wits so wondered at? BOYET
Tapers they are, with your sweet breaths puffed
out. 295 ROSALINE
Well-liking wits they have; gross, gross; fat, fat. PRINCESS
O poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout!
Will they not, think you, hang themselves tonight?
Or ever but in vizards show their faces?
This pert Berowne was out of count’nance quite. 300 ROSALINE
They were all in lamentable cases.
The King was weeping ripe for a good word. PRINCESS
Berowne did swear himself out of all suit. MARIA
Dumaine was at my service, and his sword.
“No point,” quoth I. My servant straight was 305
mute. KATHERINE
Lord Longaville said I came o’er his heart.
And trow you what he called me? PRINCESS
Qualm, perhaps. KATHERINE
Yes, in good faith. 310 PRINCESS
Go, sickness as thou art! ROSALINE
Well, better wits have worn plain statute-caps.
But will you hear? The King is my love sworn. PRINCESS
And quick Berowne hath plighted faith to me. KATHERINE
And Longaville was for my service born. 315 MARIA
Dumaine is mine as sure as bark on tree. BOYET
Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear.
Immediately they will again be here
In their own shapes, for it can never be
They will digest this harsh indignity. 320 PRINCESS
Will they return? BOYET
They will, they will, God knows,
And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows.
Therefore change favors, and when they repair,
Blow like sweet roses in this summer air. 325 PRINCESS
How “blow”? How “blow”? Speak to be understood. BOYET
Fair ladies masked are roses in their bud.
Dismasked, their damask sweet commixture shown,
Are angels vailing clouds, or roses blown. PRINCESS
Avaunt, perplexity!—What shall we do 330
If they return in their own shapes to woo? ROSALINE
Good madam, if by me you’ll be advised,
Let’s mock them still, as well known as disguised.
Let us complain to them what fools were here,
Disguised like Muscovites in shapeless gear, 335
And wonder what they were, and to what end
Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penned,
And their rough carriage so ridiculous,
Should be presented at our tent to us. BOYET
Ladies, withdraw. The gallants are at hand. 340 PRINCESS
Whip to our tents, as roes runs o’er land. The Princess and the Ladies exit. | The ladies unmask and have a good laugh at the foolishness of the men, and Boyet tells them they'll be back. Rosaline proposes to tease them further with complaints about the Russian imbeciles who just made a visit. |
Enter the King and the rest, as themselves. KING, to Boyet
Fair sir, God save you. Where’s the Princess? BOYET
Gone to her tent. Please it your Majesty
Command me any service to her thither? KING
That she vouchsafe me audience for one word. 345 BOYET
I will, and so will she, I know, my lord. He exits. BEROWNE
This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons peas,
And utters it again when God doth please.
He is wit’s peddler, and retails his wares
At wakes and wassails, meetings, markets, fairs. 350
And we that sell by gross, the Lord doth know,
Have not the grace to grace it with such show.
This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve.
Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve.
He can carve too, and lisp. Why, this is he 355
That kissed his hand away in courtesy.
This is the ape of form, Monsieur the Nice,
That, when he plays at tables, chides the dice
In honorable terms. Nay, he can sing
A mean most meanly; and in ushering 360
Mend him who can. The ladies call him sweet.
The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet.
This is the flower that smiles on everyone
To show his teeth as white as whale’s bone;
And consciences that will not die in debt 365
Pay him the due of “honey-tongued Boyet.” KING
A blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart,
That put Armado’s page out of his part! Enter the Ladies, with Boyet. BEROWNE
See where it comes! Behavior, what wert thou
Till this madman showed thee? And what art thou 370
now? KING, to Princess
All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day. PRINCESS
“Fair” in “all hail” is foul, as I conceive. KING
Construe my speeches better, if you may. PRINCESS
Then wish me better. I will give you leave. 375 KING
We came to visit you, and purpose now
To lead you to our court. Vouchsafe it, then. PRINCESS
This field shall hold me, and so hold your vow.
Nor God nor I delights in perjured men. KING
Rebuke me not for that which you provoke. 380
The virtue of your eye must break my oath. PRINCESS
You nickname virtue; “vice” you should have spoke,
For virtue’s office never breaks men’s troth.
Now by my maiden honor, yet as pure
As the unsullied lily, I protest, 385
A world of torments though I should endure,
I would not yield to be your house’s guest,
So much I hate a breaking cause to be
Of heavenly oaths vowed with integrity. KING
O, you have lived in desolation here, 390
Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame. PRINCESS
Not so, my lord. It is not so, I swear.
We have had pastimes here and pleasant game.
A mess of Russians left us but of late. KING
How, madam? Russians? 395 PRINCESS
Ay, in truth, my lord.
Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state. ROSALINE
Madam, speak true.—It is not so, my lord.
My lady, to the manner of the days,
In courtesy gives undeserving praise. 400
We four indeed confronted were with four
In Russian habit. Here they stayed an hour
And talked apace; and in that hour, my lord,
They did not bless us with one happy word.
I dare not call them fools; but this I think: 405
When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink. BEROWNE
This jest is dry to me. Gentle sweet,
Your wits makes wise things foolish. When we greet,
With eyes’ best seeing, heaven’s fiery eye,
By light we lose light. Your capacity 410
Is of that nature that to your huge store
Wise things seem foolish and rich things but poor. ROSALINE
This proves you wise and rich, for in my eye— BEROWNE
I am a fool, and full of poverty. ROSALINE
But that you take what doth to you belong, 415
It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue. BEROWNE
O, I am yours, and all that I possess! ROSALINE
All the fool mine? BEROWNE
I cannot give you less. ROSALINE
Which of the vizards was it that you wore? 420 BEROWNE
Where? When? What vizard? Why demand you this? ROSALINE
There; then; that vizard; that superfluous case
That hid the worse and showed the better face. KING, aside to Dumaine
We were descried. They’ll mock us now downright. DUMAINE, aside to King
Let us confess and turn it to a jest. 425 PRINCESS, to King
Amazed, my lord? Why looks your Highness sad? ROSALINE
Help, hold his brows! He’ll swoon!—Why look you
pale?
Seasick, I think, coming from Muscovy. | And here come the men again, dressed as themselves. Boyet receives them politely (the girls have run back to their tents) and Berowne gives a speech about Boyet's clever and insincere hospitality. The Princess and her ladies emerge, full of power, and the King invites them to enter the court. The Princess refuses the invitation, saying that the women wouldn't want to make the men break their vows. The King begs her to reconsider, saying that the lords feel bad that the women have been so lonely and abandoned. Not at all, says the Princess. She informs the King that they were just visited by some very nice Russians. They were not very nice, chimes in Rosaline. In fact, she adds that the women were not exactly impressed by the "Russians" who visited them. Berowne is actually humble for once. He flatters Rosaline that she's so smart, she makes any man seem unworthy of her attention. The men are a little demoralized by the women's nonstop teasing. Rosaline reveals that the women know the men were the Russians. |
BEROWNE
Thus pour the stars down plagues for perjury. 430
Can any face of brass hold longer out?
Here stand I, lady. Dart thy skill at me.
Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a flout.
Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance.
Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit, 435
And I will wish thee nevermore to dance,
Nor nevermore in Russian habit wait.
O, never will I trust to speeches penned,
Nor to the motion of a schoolboy’s tongue,
Nor never come in vizard to my friend, 440
Nor woo in rhyme like a blind harper’s song.
Taffeta phrases, silken terms precise,
Three-piled hyperboles, spruce affectation,
Figures pedantical—these summer flies
Have blown me full of maggot ostentation. 445
I do forswear them, and I here protest
By this white glove—how white the hand, God
knows!—
Henceforth my wooing mind shall be expressed
In russet yeas and honest kersey noes. 450
And to begin: Wench, so God help me, law,
My love to thee is sound, sans crack or flaw. ROSALINE
Sans “sans,” I pray you. BEROWNE Yet I have a trick
Of the old rage. Bear with me, I am sick; 455
I’ll leave it by degrees. Soft, let us see:
Write “Lord have mercy on us” on those three.
They are infected; in their hearts it lies.
They have the plague, and caught it of your eyes.
These lords are visited. You are not free, 460
For the Lord’s tokens on you do I see. PRINCESS
No, they are free that gave these tokens to us. BEROWNE
Our states are forfeit. Seek not to undo us. ROSALINE
It is not so, for how can this be true,
That you stand forfeit, being those that sue? 465 BEROWNE
Peace, for I will not have to do with you. ROSALINE
Nor shall not, if I do as I intend. BEROWNE, to King, Longaville, and Dumaine
Speak for yourselves. My wit is at an end. KING, to Princess
Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression
Some fair excuse. 470 PRINCESS
The fairest is confession.
Were not you here but even now, disguised? KING
Madam, I was. PRINCESS And were you well advised? KING
I was, fair madam. 475 PRINCESS
When you then were here,
What did you whisper in your lady’s ear? KING
That more than all the world I did respect her. PRINCESS
When she shall challenge this, you will reject her. KING
Upon mine honor, no. 480 PRINCESS
Peace, peace, forbear!
Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear. KING
Despise me when I break this oath of mine. PRINCESS
I will, and therefore keep it.—Rosaline,
What did the Russian whisper in your ear? 485 ROSALINE
Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear
As precious eyesight, and did value me
Above this world, adding thereto moreover
That he would wed me or else die my lover. PRINCESS
God give thee joy of him! The noble lord 490
Most honorably doth uphold his word. KING
What mean you, madam? By my life, my troth,
I never swore this lady such an oath. ROSALINE
By heaven, you did! And to confirm it plain,
You gave me this. She shows a token. But take it, 495
sir, again. KING
My faith and this the Princess I did give.
I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve. PRINCESS
Pardon me, sir. This jewel did she wear.
She points to Rosaline.
And Lord Berowne, I thank him, is my dear. 500
To Berowne. What, will you have me, or your pearl
again? She shows the token. BEROWNE
Neither of either. I remit both twain.
I see the trick on ’t. Here was a consent,
Knowing aforehand of our merriment, 505
To dash it like a Christmas comedy.
Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight
zany,
Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some
Dick, 510
That smiles his cheek in years and knows the trick
To make my lady laugh when she’s disposed,
Told our intents before; which once disclosed,
The ladies did change favors; and then we,
Following the signs, wooed but the sign of she. 515
Now, to our perjury to add more terror,
We are again forsworn in will and error.
Much upon this ’tis. To Boyet. And might not you
Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue?
Do not you know my lady’s foot by th’ squier? 520
And laugh upon the apple of her eye?
And stand between her back, sir, and the fire,
Holding a trencher, jesting merrily?
You put our page out. Go, you are allowed.
Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud. 525
You leer upon me, do you? There’s an eye
Wounds like a leaden sword. BOYET
Full merrily
Hath this brave manage, this career been run. BEROWNE
Lo, he is tilting straight! Peace, I have done. 530 Enter Clown Costard. Welcome, pure wit. Thou part’st a fair fray. | In a long, highfaluting speech, Berowne promises to give up long, highfaluting speeches in favor of plain talk. Rosaline has her doubts. The King confesses and apologizes for masking as the Russians. When the Princess forces him to say aloud what he told her in her mask, Rosaline reveals that such a thing was told to her. The men realize they were duped, and Berowne chides Boyet for taking part in the men's ruin. |
COSTARD
O Lord, sir, they would know
Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no. BEROWNE
What, are there but three? COSTARD
No, sir; but it is vara fine, 535
For every one pursents three. BEROWNE And three times thrice
is nine. COSTARD
Not so, sir, under correction, sir, I hope it is not so.
You cannot beg us, sir, I can assure you, sir; we 540
know what we know.
I hope, sir, three times thrice, sir— BEROWNE
Is not nine? COSTARD
Under correction, sir, we know whereuntil it
doth amount. 545 BEROWNE
By Jove, I always took three threes for nine. COSTARD
O Lord, sir, it were pity you should get your
living by reckoning, sir. BEROWNE
How much is it? COSTARD
O Lord, sir, the parties themselves, the actors, 550
sir, will show whereuntil it doth amount. For
mine own part, I am, as they say, but to parfect one
man in one poor man—Pompion the Great, sir. BEROWNE
Art thou one of the Worthies? COSTARD
It pleased them to think me worthy of Pompey 555
the Great. For mine own part, I know not the
degree of the Worthy, but I am to stand for him. BEROWNE
Go bid them prepare. COSTARD
We will turn it finely off, sir. We will take some
care. 560 He exits. KING
Berowne, they will shame us. Let them not
approach. BEROWNE
We are shame-proof, my lord; and ’tis some policy
To have one show worse than the King’s and his
company. 565 KING
I say they shall not come. PRINCESS
Nay, my good lord, let me o’errule you now.
That sport best pleases that doth least know how,
Where zeal strives to content, and the contents
Dies in the zeal of that which it presents. 570
Their form confounded makes most form in mirth,
When great things laboring perish in their birth. BEROWNE
A right description of our sport, my lord. Enter Braggart Armado. ARMADO, to King Anointed,
I implore so much expense
of thy royal sweet breath as will utter a brace 575
of words. Armado and King step aside, and
Armado gives King a paper. PRINCESS
Doth this man serve God? BEROWNE
Why ask you? PRINCESS
He speaks not like a man of God his making. ARMADO, to King
That is all one, my fair sweet honey 580
monarch, for, I protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding
fantastical, too, too vain, too, too vain. But
we will put it, as they say, to fortuna de la guerra.—I
wish you the peace of mind, most royal
couplement! 585 He exits. KING, reading the paper
Here is like to be a good
presence of Worthies. He presents Hector of Troy,
the swain Pompey the Great, the parish curate
Alexander, Armado’s page Hercules, the pedant
Judas Maccabaeus. 590
And if these four Worthies in their first show thrive,
These four will change habits and present the other
five. BEROWNE
There is five in the first show. KING
You are deceived. ’Tis not so. 595 BEROWNE
The pedant, the braggart, the hedge
priest, the fool, and the boy.
Abate throw at novum, and the whole world again
Cannot pick out five such, take each one in his vein. KING
The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain. 600 Enter Costard as Pompey. COSTARD
I Pompey am— BEROWNE
You lie; you are not he. COSTARD
I Pompey am— BOYET
With leopard’s head on knee. BEROWNE
Well said, old mocker. I must needs be friends with 605
thee. COSTARD
I Pompey am, Pompey, surnamed the Big— DUMAINE
“The Great.” COSTARD
It is “Great,” sir.—Pompey, surnamed the
Great, 610
That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make my
foe to sweat.
And traveling along this coast, I here am come by
chance,
And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of 615
France.
(He places his weapons at the feet of the Princess.)
If your Ladyship would say “Thanks, Pompey,” I
had done. PRINCESS Great thanks, great Pompey. COSTARD
’Tis not so much worth, but I hope I was 620
perfect. I made a little fault in “Great.” BEROWNE
My hat to a halfpenny, Pompey proves the
best Worthy. Costard stands aside. | Costard enters, asking whether the nine worthies may come in. Berowne teases him a little and says yes. The King is worried that the play will be another embarrassing failure. In this situation, says Berowne, there's nowhere to go but up. The Princess wants to see the play. Armado comes in with the program identifying the cast. Berowne is excited to see these eccentric townspeople play the heroes of history. Costard comes in as Pompey. Berowne and Boyet both mock him, but Costard bravely gives his speech and receives the Princess's applause. |
Enter Curate Nathaniel for Alexander. NATHANIEL
When in the world I lived, I was the world’s
commander. 625
By east, west, north, and south, I spread my
conquering might.
My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander— BOYET
Your nose says no, you are not, for it stands too
right. 630 BEROWNE, to Boyet
Your nose smells “no” in this, most tender-smelling
knight. PRINCESS
The conqueror is dismayed.—Proceed, good
Alexander. NATHANIEL
When in the world I lived, I was the world’s 635
commander— BOYET
Most true; ’tis right. You were so, Alisander. BEROWNE, to Costard
Pompey the Great— COSTARD
Your servant, and Costard. BEROWNE Take away the conqueror. Take away 640
Alisander. COSTARD, to Nathaniel
O sir, you have overthrown
Alisander the Conqueror. You will be scraped out of
the painted cloth for this. Your lion, that holds his
polax sitting on a close-stool, will be given to Ajax. 645
He will be the ninth Worthy. A conqueror, and
afeard to speak? Run away for shame, Alisander. Nathaniel exits. There, an ’t shall please you, a foolish mild man, an
honest man, look you, and soon dashed. He is a
marvelous good neighbor, faith, and a very good 650
bowler. But, for Alisander—alas, you see how ’tis—
a little o’erparted. But there are Worthies a-coming
will speak their mind in some other sort. Enter Pedant Holofernes for Judas, and the Boy
for Hercules. PRINCESS, to Costard
Stand aside, good Pompey. HOLOFERNES
Great Hercules is presented by this imp, 655
Whose club killed Cerberus, that three-headed canus,
And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus.
Quoniam he seemeth in minority,
Ergo I come with this apology. 660
To Boy. Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish. Boy steps aside. HOLOFERNES
Judas I am— DUMAINE
A Judas! HOLOFERNES
Not Iscariot, sir.
Judas I am, yclept Maccabaeus. 665 DUMAINE
Judas Maccabaeus clipped is plain Judas. BEROWNE
A kissing traitor.—How art thou proved
Judas? HOLOFERNES
Judas I am— DUMAINE The more shame for you, Judas. 670 HOLOFERNES
What mean you, sir? BOYET
To make Judas hang himself. HOLOFERNES
Begin, sir, you are my elder. BEROWNE Well followed. Judas was hanged on an
elder. 675 HOLOFERNES I will not be put out of countenance. BEROWNE
Because thou hast no face. HOLOFERNES
What is this? He points to his own face. BOYET
A cittern-head. DUMAINE
The head of a bodkin. 680 BEROWNE A death’s face in a ring. LONGAVILLE
The face of an old Roman coin, scarce
seen. BOYET
The pommel of Caesar’s falchion. DUMAINE The carved-bone face on a flask. 685 BEROWNE
Saint George’s half-cheek in a brooch. DUMAINE
Ay, and in a brooch of lead. BEROWNE
Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer.
And now forward, for we have put thee in
countenance. 690 HOLOFERNES You have put me out of countenance. BEROWNE
False. We have given thee faces. HOLOFERNES
But you have outfaced them all. BEROWNE
An thou wert a lion, we would do so. BOYET
Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.— 695
And so adieu, sweet Jude. Nay, why dost thou stay? DUMAINE
For the latter end of his name. BEROWNE
For the “ass” to the “Jude”? Give it him.—Jud-as,
away! HOLOFERNES
This is not generous, not gentle, not humble. 700 BOYET
A light for Monsieur Judas! It grows dark; he may
stumble. Holofernes exits. PRINCESS
Alas, poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited! | Enter Nathaniel as Alexander. He's immediately heckled by Boyet and Berowne, who asks Costard to run Nathaniel off. Next comes Holofernes as Judas Maccabeus, with Moth as Hercules. A sustained round of heckling from Boyet, Berowne, and Dumain runs Holofernes off. The play is turning into a kind of death-match American Idol. |
Enter Braggart Armado as Hector. BEROWNE
Hide thy head, Achilles. Here comes Hector
in arms. 705 DUMAINE
Though my mocks come home by me, I will
now be merry. KING Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this. BOYET But is this Hector? KING I think Hector was not so clean-timbered. 710 LONGAVILLE
His leg is too big for Hector’s. DUMAINE
More calf, certain. BOYET
No, he is best endued in the small. BEROWNE This cannot be Hector. DUMAINE He’s a god or a painter, for he makes faces. 715 ARMADO
The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty,
Gave Hector a gift— DUMAINE
A gilt nutmeg. BEROWNE
A lemon. LONGAVILLE
Stuck with cloves. 720 DUMAINE
No, cloven. ARMADO
Peace!
The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty,
Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion,
A man so breathed, that certain he would fight, yea, 725
From morn till night, out of his pavilion.
I am that flower— DUMAINE
That mint. LONGAVILLE
That columbine. ARMADO Sweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue. 730 LONGAVILLE I must rather give it the rein, for it runs
against Hector. DUMAINE
Ay, and Hector’s a greyhound. ARMADO The sweet warman is dead and rotten. Sweet
chucks, beat not the bones of the buried. When he 735
breathed, he was a man. But I will forward with my
device. To Princess. Sweet royalty, bestow on me
the sense of hearing. Berowne steps forth. PRINCESS
Speak, brave Hector. We are much delighted. ARMADO
I do adore thy sweet Grace’s slipper. 740 BOYET
Loves her by the foot. DUMAINE
He may not by the yard. ARMADO
This Hector far surmounted Hannibal.
The party is gone— COSTARD
Fellow Hector, she is gone; she is two 745
months on her way. ARMADO
What meanest thou? COSTARD
Faith, unless you play the honest Troyan, the
poor wench is cast away. She’s quick; the child
brags in her belly already. ’Tis yours. 750 ARMADO
Dost thou infamonize me among potentates?
Thou shalt die! COSTARD
Then shall Hector be whipped for Jaquenetta,
that is quick by him, and hanged for Pompey,
that is dead by him. 755 DUMAINE
Most rare Pompey! BOYET
Renowned Pompey! BEROWNE
Greater than “Great”! Great, great, great
Pompey. Pompey the Huge! DUMAINE
Hector trembles. 760 BEROWNE
Pompey is moved. More Ates, more Ates!
Stir them on, stir them on. DUMAINE
Hector will challenge him. BEROWNE
Ay, if he have no more man’s blood in his
belly than will sup a flea. 765 ARMADO, to Costard
By the North Pole, I do challenge
thee! COSTARD
I will not fight with a pole like a northern
man! I’ll slash. I’ll do it by the sword.—I bepray
you, let me borrow my arms again. 770 DUMAINE
Room for the incensed Worthies! COSTARD
I’ll do it in my shirt. He removes his doublet. DUMAINE
Most resolute Pompey! BOY, to Armado
Master, let me take you a buttonhole
lower. Do you not see Pompey is uncasing for the 775
combat? What mean you? You will lose your
reputation. ARMADO
Gentlemen and soldiers, pardon me. I will
not combat in my shirt. DUMAINE
You may not deny it. Pompey hath made the 780
challenge. ARMADO
Sweet bloods, I both may and will. BEROWNE
What reason have you for ’t? ARMADO The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt. I go
woolward for penance. 785 BOYET
True, and it was enjoined him in Rome for want
of linen; since when, I’ll be sworn, he wore none
but a dishclout of Jaquenetta’s, and that he wears
next his heart for a favor. | Armado enters as Hector—now Longaville is joining the fun. Armado valiantly pushes through and attempts to win the audience over. Armado might wish he had run away, though, because Costard deviates from the play to inform him that Jaquenetta is pregnant—with Armado's child. The King and his lords are loving it. Armado challenges Costard and they get ready to fight. |
Enter a Messenger, Monsieur Marcade. MARCADE, to Princess God save you, madam. 790 PRINCESS
Welcome, Marcade,
But that thou interruptest our merriment. MARCADE
I am sorry, madam, for the news I bring
Is heavy in my tongue. The King your father— PRINCESS
Dead, for my life. 795 MARCADE
Even so. My tale is told. BEROWNE
Worthies, away! The scene begins to cloud. ARMADO
For mine own part, I breathe free breath. I
have seen the day of wrong through the little hole
of discretion, and I will right myself like a soldier. 800 Worthies exit. KING, to Princess
How fares your Majesty? PRINCESS
Boyet, prepare. I will away tonight. KING
Madam, not so. I do beseech you stay. PRINCESS, to Boyet
Prepare, I say.—I thank you, gracious lords,
For all your fair endeavors, and entreat, 805
Out of a new-sad soul, that you vouchsafe
In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide
The liberal opposition of our spirits,
If overboldly we have borne ourselves
In the converse of breath; your gentleness 810
Was guilty of it. Farewell, worthy lord.
A heavy heart bears not a humble tongue.
Excuse me so, coming too short of thanks
For my great suit so easily obtained. KING
The extreme parts of time extremely forms 815
All causes to the purpose of his speed,
And often at his very loose decides
That which long process could not arbitrate.
And though the mourning brow of progeny
Forbid the smiling courtesy of love 820
The holy suit which fain it would convince,
Yet since love’s argument was first on foot,
Let not the cloud of sorrow jostle it
From what it purposed, since to wail friends lost
Is not by much so wholesome-profitable 825
As to rejoice at friends but newly found. PRINCESS
I understand you not. My griefs are double. BEROWNE
Honest plain words best pierce the ear of grief,
And by these badges understand the King:
For your fair sakes have we neglected time, 830
Played foul play with our oaths. Your beauty, ladies,
Hath much deformed us, fashioning our humors
Even to the opposèd end of our intents.
And what in us hath seemed ridiculous—
As love is full of unbefitting strains, 835
All wanton as a child, skipping and vain,
Formed by the eye and therefore, like the eye,
Full of strange shapes, of habits, and of forms,
Varying in subjects as the eye doth roll
To every varied object in his glance; 840
Which parti-coated presence of loose love
Put on by us, if, in your heavenly eyes,
Have misbecomed our oaths and gravities,
Those heavenly eyes, that look into these faults,
Suggested us to make. Therefore, ladies, 845
Our love being yours, the error that love makes
Is likewise yours. We to ourselves prove false
By being once false forever to be true
To those that make us both—fair ladies, you.
And even that falsehood, in itself a sin, 850
Thus purifies itself and turns to grace. | A messenger, Marcade, enters with news from France. The King is dead. The Princess wants to leave immediately, but the King of Navarre hopes she won't. Apologizing for harassing the men so much, the Princess thanks the King for settling the business of Aquitaine (this part of the plot doesn't matter much now, and isn't explained). The King begs her not to abruptly abandon their new love. Berowne asks the women not to judge the men by the one oath they broke. |
PRINCESS
We have received your letters full of love;
Your favors, the ambassadors of love;
And in our maiden council rated them
At courtship, pleasant jest, and courtesy, 855
As bombast and as lining to the time.
But more devout than this in our respects
Have we not been, and therefore met your loves
In their own fashion, like a merriment. DUMAINE
Our letters, madam, showed much more than jest. 860 LONGAVILLE
So did our looks. ROSALINE
We did not quote them so. KING
Now, at the latest minute of the hour,
Grant us your loves. PRINCESS
A time, methinks, too short 865
To make a world-without-end bargain in.
No, no, my lord, your Grace is perjured much,
Full of dear guiltiness, and therefore this:
If for my love—as there is no such cause—
You will do aught, this shall you do for me: 870
Your oath I will not trust, but go with speed
To some forlorn and naked hermitage,
Remote from all the pleasures of the world.
There stay until the twelve celestial signs
Have brought about the annual reckoning. 875
If this austere insociable life
Change not your offer made in heat of blood;
If frosts and fasts, hard lodging, and thin weeds
Nip not the gaudy blossoms of your love,
But that it bear this trial, and last love; 880
Then, at the expiration of the year,
Come challenge me, challenge me by these deserts, She takes his hand. And by this virgin palm now kissing thine,
I will be thine. And till that instant shut
My woeful self up in a mourning house, 885
Raining the tears of lamentation
For the remembrance of my father’s death.
If this thou do deny, let our hands part,
Neither entitled in the other’s heart. KING
If this, or more than this, I would deny, 890
To flatter up these powers of mine with rest,
The sudden hand of death close up mine eye!
Hence hermit, then. My heart is in thy breast. They step aside. | The Princess protests that they took all the wooing as play. But the men are serious. It's too early to make a lifelong commitment, replies the sensible Princess. She poses this challenge to the King: go to a monastery and spend a year there. Only then can the King come back and woo her. Whoa, he says he'll do it! Now that's love. |
DUMAINE, to Katherine
But what to me, my love? But what to me?
A wife? 895 KATHERINE
A beard, fair health, and honesty.
With threefold love I wish you all these three. DUMAINE
O, shall I say “I thank you, gentle wife”? KATHERINE
Not so, my lord. A twelvemonth and a day
I’ll mark no words that smooth-faced wooers say. 900
Come when the King doth to my lady come;
Then, if I have much love, I’ll give you some. DUMAINE
I’ll serve thee true and faithfully till then. KATHERINE
Yet swear not, lest you be forsworn again. They step aside. LONGAVILLE
What says Maria? 905 MARIA
At the twelvemonth’s end
I’ll change my black gown for a faithful friend. LONGAVILLE
I’ll stay with patience, but the time is long. MARIA
The liker you; few taller are so young. They step aside. BEROWNE, to Rosaline
Studies my lady? Mistress, look on me. 910
Behold the window of my heart, mine eye,
What humble suit attends thy answer there.
Impose some service on me for thy love. ROSALINE
Oft have I heard of you, my Lord Berowne,
Before I saw you; and the world’s large tongue 915
Proclaims you for a man replete with mocks,
Full of comparisons and wounding flouts,
Which you on all estates will execute
That lie within the mercy of your wit.
To weed this wormwood from your fruitful brain, 920
And therewithal to win me, if you please,
Without the which I am not to be won,
You shall this twelvemonth term from day to day
Visit the speechless sick, and still converse
With groaning wretches; and your task shall be, 925
With all the fierce endeavor of your wit,
To enforce the painèd impotent to smile. BEROWNE
To move wild laughter in the throat of death?
It cannot be, it is impossible.
Mirth cannot move a soul in agony. 930 ROSALINE
Why, that’s the way to choke a gibing spirit,
Whose influence is begot of that loose grace
Which shallow laughing hearers give to fools.
A jest’s prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it, never in the tongue 935
Of him that makes it. Then if sickly ears,
Deafed with the clamors of their own dear groans
Will hear your idle scorns, continue then,
And I will have you and that fault withal.
But if they will not, throw away that spirit, 940
And I shall find you empty of that fault,
Right joyful of your reformation. BEROWNE
A twelvemonth? Well, befall what will befall,
I’ll jest a twelvemonth in an hospital. PRINCESS, to King
Ay, sweet my lord, and so I take my leave. 945 KING
No, madam, we will bring you on your way. BEROWNE
Our wooing doth not end like an old play.
Jack hath not Jill. These ladies’ courtesy
Might well have made our sport a comedy. KING
Come, sir, it wants a twelvemonth and a day, 950
And then ’twill end. BEROWNE
That’s too long for a play. | Katharine doesn't make Dumain become a monk, but taking the cue from her lady, she asks him to come back in a year. Maria and Longaville follow suit and ask their lords to wait one year before wooing them properly. What about Berowne? Community service. Rosaline charges him to use his wit to make the sick smile. He doesn't think it's possible, but agrees. If she'll love him for it, sign him up. Berowne observes that their fun won't end like a comedy—there are no marriages. |
Enter Braggart Armado. ARMADO
Sweet Majesty, vouchsafe me— PRINCESS
Was not that Hector? DUMAINE
The worthy knight of Troy. 955 ARMADO
I will kiss thy royal finger, and take leave. I
am a votary; I have vowed to Jaquenetta to hold the
plow for her sweet love three year. But, most
esteemed Greatness, will you hear the dialogue that
the two learned men have compiled in praise of the 960
owl and the cuckoo? It should have followed in the
end of our show. KING
Call them forth quickly. We will do so. ARMADO
Holla! Approach. Enter all. This side is Hiems, Winter; this Ver, the Spring; the 965
one maintained by the owl, th’ other by the cuckoo.
Ver, begin. The Song. SPRING
When daisies pied and violets blue,
And lady-smocks all silver-white,
And cuckoo-buds of yellow hue 970
Do paint the meadows with delight,
The cuckoo then on every tree
Mocks married men; for thus sings he:
“Cuckoo!
Cuckoo, cuckoo!” O word of fear, 975
Unpleasing to a married ear. When shepherds pipe on oaten straws,
And merry larks are plowmen’s clocks;
When turtles tread, and rooks and daws,
And maidens bleach their summer smocks; 980
The cuckoo then on every tree
Mocks married men, for thus sings he:
“Cuckoo!
Cuckoo, cuckoo!” O word of fear,
Unpleasing to a married ear. 985 WINTER
When icicles hang by the wall,
And Dick the shepherd blows his nail,
And Tom bears logs into the hall,
And milk comes frozen home in pail;
When blood is nipped, and ways be foul, 990
Then nightly sings the staring owl
“Tu-whit to-who.” A merry note,
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot. When all aloud the wind doth blow,
And coughing drowns the parson’s saw, 995
And birds sit brooding in the snow,
And Marian’s nose looks red and raw;
When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl,
Then nightly sings the staring owl
“Tu-whit to-who.” A merry note, 1000
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot. ARMADO
The words of Mercury are harsh after the
songs of Apollo. You that way; we this way. They all exit. | Armado enters with a last distraction. There was to have been a song at the end of their failed play. Can they sing it now? Go for it, says the King. The "worthies" come back and Armado divides them into two groups to sing songs of Spring and Winter. |