Lights, camera, action!
The Star Wars saga's familiar text crawl tells us that Luke Skywalker's on his way to Tatooine to rescue Han Solo from the slimy clutches of Jabba the Hutt. Also, the Galactic Empire is building a new and improved Death Star.
Their plan? Destroy the Rebel Alliance once and for all.
Darth Vader drops by the Death Star to see how the construction's going. The project is behind schedule and understaffed. Vader tells Moff Jerjerrod that they better get their butts in gear; The Emperor's coming, and he's not nearly as warm and fuzzy as Vader is.
On Tatooine, C-3PO and R2-D2 deliver a message from Luke to Jabba: Luke wants to strike a deal for Han's release, and he's giving the droids to Jabba as a gift to establish good will. Jabba laughs off Luke's attempt at bargaining, but takes C-3PO as his new translator droid and gives R2-D2 a gig serving cocktails on his sail barge.
A bounty hunter shows up at Jabba's palace with Chewbacca, demanding payment, and makes a deal with Jabba. Later that night, the bounty hunter frees Han and reveals herself to be Princess Leia Organa. Before Han and Leia can escape, they're captured by Jabba. Leia's made Jabba's slave; Han's tossed in a cell with Chewbacca.
Here comes Luke.
He tries one last time to make a deal with Jabba for the release of his pals, but Jabba isn't having it. Luke is thrown to the rancor, a nasty dungeon monster, but ultimately defeats the toothy beast. Jabba's not happy. He sentences Luke, Han, and Chewbacca to death by sarlacc—another nasty monster—at the Pit of Carkoon. Meanwhile, Lando Calrissian hangs out undercover as one of Jabba's goons.
The whole entourage heads for The Pit of Carkoon on Jabba's sail barge. Just as Luke's about to walk the plank, pirate style, into the pit, he starts a mutiny. Luke, Leia, Han, Chewbacca, and Lando fight back against Jabba and his henchmen, ultimately blowing up the sail barge and escaping.
The Emperor makes his grand entrance on the Death Star. He senses that Darth Vader is antsy and wants to get back to hunting down his son, Luke. The Emperor tells Vader he needs to chill; Luke will come to him, and it's going to take both of them to turn young Skywalker to the Dark Side.
Luke makes a pit stop in Dagobah on his way to join the Rebels. He visits Yoda, who confirms that Darth Vader is his deadbeat dad. Then Yoda tells Luke that Leia is his twin sister, and Luke has to face Vader in order to become a full-fledged, card-carrying Jedi knight.
Then Yoda dies.
Sorry.
Mind thoroughly blown, Luke heads outside and is visited by the spirit of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Luke tells Obi-Wan that he thinks there's still some good left in his dad, and Obi-Wan repeats what Yoda said: Luke has to confront Vader.
The Rebels hatch a plan to take down the Death Star: Han will lead a team whose job is to knock out the Death Star's defense shield on Endor. Then Lando will lead the Rebel fleet to destroy the Death Star's main reactor. When Han lands his squad on Endor, Darth Vader senses something fishy is going on, but says he'll take care of it later.
On Endor, Luke and Leia fend off Imperial stormtroopers on speeder bikes. Leia is momentarily MIA after falling off her speeder bike in the forest. Then Luke, Han, Leia and their whole motley crew meet the locals, the Ewoks, a furry race of primitive creatures who look like teddy bears and think C-3PO is a god. The Rebels and the Ewoks join forces.
Luke tells Leia that they're twins, and then he surrenders to Darth Vader. Luke tells Vader that he knows there's still good in his dear old dad, but Vader still delivers Luke to The Emperor. The Emperor tells Luke that it's his destiny to turn to the Dark Side; Luke disagrees. Back on Endor, the Imperial army captures Han and his team. It was a trap. Then the Ewoks show up to save the day, launching a surprise attack on the Empire.
Luke and Darth Vader engage in an epic lightsaber battle that culminates in Luke chopping off Vader's robotic right hand. The Emperor congratulates Luke on finally embracing his hatred. Luke says he'll never, ever join the Dark Side, and The Emperor's super ticked off. Meanwhile, on Endor, the Rebel-Ewok alliance takes down the Imperial forces. Then they blow up the Death Star's defense shield.
The Emperor and Luke go toe to toe. The Emperor repeatedly zaps Luke with Force Lightning like a demented wizard. Darth Vader just watches at first, as Luke writhes in pain, but finally Vader has enough. He picks up The Emperor, who electrocutes him, too, and chucks The Emperor into a nearby reactor shaft.
The Emperor explodes.
With the Death Star in total chaos, Lando and his team begin their attack. Meanwhile, Luke removes Darth Vader's mask, and Vader tells Luke he was right: He's still a good guy, and he wants Luke to make sure he tells Leia that, too.
Then Vader dies. Yeah, it's kinda dramatic.
Luke gets on a ship and skedaddles just before Lando's fleet blows up the Death Star. While Luke lays his father to rest, the entire galaxy celebrates. Luke joins the party on Endor with Han, Leia, Chewbacca, the droids, the Ewoks, and assorted Rebels. He steps away for a moment and spots the smiling spirits of Yoda, Obi-Wan, and his dad.
He smiles back, then returns to the party.