Enter Troilus and Cressida. TROILUS
Dear, trouble not yourself. The morn is cold. CRESSIDA
Then, sweet my lord, I’ll call mine uncle down.
He shall unbolt the gates. TROILUS
Trouble him not.
To bed, to bed! Sleep kill those pretty eyes 5
And give as soft attachment to thy senses
As infants’ empty of all thought! CRESSIDA
Good morrow, then. TROILUS
I prithee now, to bed. CRESSIDA
Are you aweary of me? 10 TROILUS
O Cressida! But that the busy day,
Waked by the lark, hath roused the ribald crows,
And dreaming night will hide our joys no longer,
I would not from thee. CRESSIDA
Night hath been too brief. 15 TROILUS
Beshrew the witch! With venomous wights she stays
As tediously as hell, but flies the grasps of love
With wings more momentary-swift than thought.
You will catch cold and curse me. CRESSIDA
Prithee, tarry. You men will never tarry. 20
O foolish Cressid! I might have still held off,
And then you would have tarried. Hark, there’s one up. PANDARUS, within
What’s all the doors open here? TROILUS
It is your uncle. CRESSIDA
A pestilence on him! Now will he be mocking. 25
I shall have such a life! | At Calchas' house, Troilus and Cressida stand at the gate and say goodbye after having spent the night together. They're having a kind of "You hang up." "No, you hang up" kind of conversation. (Sound familiar? It's a lot like what goes down between Romeo and Juliet during the famous balcony scene.) Cressida says maybe she should have held out a little longer. She's worried Troilus will move on now that they've slept together. |
Enter Pandarus. PANDARUS
How now, how now? How go maidenheads?
Here, you maid! Where’s my Cousin Cressid? CRESSIDA
Go hang yourself, you naughty mocking uncle.
You bring me to do—and then you flout me too. 30 PANDARUS
To do what, to do what?—Let her say
what.—What have I brought you to do? CRESSIDA
Come, come, beshrew your heart! You’ll ne’er be good
Nor suffer others. PANDARUS Ha, ha! Alas, poor wretch! Ah, poor capocchia! 35
Has ’t not slept tonight? Would he not—a
naughty man—let it sleep? A bugbear take him! CRESSIDA, to Troilus
Did not I tell you? Would he were knocked i’ th’ head! One knocks. Who’s that at door?—Good uncle, go and see.—
My lord, come you again into my chamber. 40
You smile and mock me, as if I meant naughtily. TROILUS
Ha, ha! CRESSIDA
Come, you are deceived. I think of no such thing. Knock. How earnestly they knock! Pray you, come in.
I would not for half Troy have you seen here. 45 Troilus and Cressida exit. PANDARUS
Who’s there? What’s the matter? Will you
beat down the door? Enter Aeneas. How now? What’s the matter? AENEAS Good morrow, lord, good morrow. PANDARUS
Who’s there? My Lord Aeneas? By my troth, 50
I knew you not. What news with you so early? AENEAS
Is not Prince Troilus here? PANDARUS Here? What should he do here? AENEAS
Come, he is here, my lord. Do not deny him.
It doth import him much to speak with me. 55 PANDARUS
Is he here, say you? It’s more than I know,
I’ll be sworn. For my own part, I came in late.
What should he do here? AENEAS
Ho, nay, then! Come, come, you’ll do him
wrong ere you are ware. You’ll be so true to him to 60
be false to him. Do not you know of him, but yet go
fetch him hither. Go. | Pandarus butts in and destroys all the romance of the moment by asking where all the "maidenheads" (virgins) have gone. Cressida bickers with her annoying uncle and Troilus tries to step in and make peace. Pandarus is all "Gee. Why so grouchy? Didn't you get any sleep last night?" Knock knock! Troilus and Cressida run off while Pandarus opens the door and greets Aeneas, who wants to talk to Troilus. Pandarus pretends Troilus isn't there, but he totally is. |
Enter Troilus. TROILUS
How now? What’s the matter? AENEAS
My lord, I scarce have leisure to salute you,
My matter is so rash. There is at hand 65
Paris your brother and Deiphobus,
The Grecian Diomed, and our Antenor
Delivered to us; and for him forthwith,
Ere the first sacrifice, within this hour,
We must give up to Diomedes’ hand 70
The Lady Cressida. TROILUS
Is it so concluded? AENEAS
By Priam and the general state of Troy.
They are at hand and ready to effect it. TROILUS
How my achievements mock me! 75
I will go meet them. And, my Lord Aeneas,
We met by chance; you did not find me here. AENEAS
Good, good, my lord; the secrets of nature
Have not more gift in taciturnity. Troilus and Aeneas exit. PANDARUS
Is ’t possible? No sooner got but lost? The 80
devil take Antenor! The young prince will go mad.
A plague upon Antenor! I would they had broke ’s
neck! Enter Cressida. CRESSIDA
How now? What’s the matter? Who was here? PANDARUS Ah, ah! 85 CRESSIDA
Why sigh you so profoundly? Where’s my lord?
Gone? Tell me, sweet uncle, what’s the matter? PANDARUS
Would I were as deep under the earth as I
am above! CRESSIDA
O the gods! What’s the matter? 90 PANDARUS
Pray thee, get thee in. Would thou hadst
ne’er been born! I knew thou wouldst be his death.
O, poor gentleman! A plague upon Antenor! CRESSIDA Good uncle, I beseech you, on my knees I
beseech you, what’s the matter? 95 PANDARUS Thou must be gone, wench; thou must be
gone. Thou art changed for Antenor. Thou must to
thy father and be gone from Troilus. ’Twill be his
death; ’twill be his bane. He cannot bear it. CRESSIDA
O you immortal gods! I will not go. 100 PANDARUS
Thou must. CRESSIDA
I will not, uncle. I have forgot my father.
I know no touch of consanguinity,
No kin, no love, no blood, no soul so near me
As the sweet Troilus. O you gods divine, 105
Make Cressid’s name the very crown of falsehood
If ever she leave Troilus! Time, force, and death
Do to this body what extremes you can,
But the strong base and building of my love
Is as the very center of the Earth, 110
Drawing all things to it. I’ll go in and weep— PANDARUS
Do, do. CRESSIDA
Tear my bright hair, and scratch my praisèd cheeks,
Crack my clear voice with sobs, and break my heart
With sounding “Troilus.” I will not go from Troy. 115 They exit. | Eventually, Troilus emerges to learn that Cressida has been traded to the Greeks for Antenor. This is not good. Troilus runs off to meet with Priam, telling Aeneas keep his lips zipped about seeing him at Cressida's house. Cressida, meanwhile, refuses to go to the Greek camp and says that if she ever betrays Troilus, she hopes her name will be synonymous with "falsehood." She threatens to throw a tantrum, complete with hair pulling, face scratching, shrieking, and crying, and then she stomps off to her room.We'd totally make fun of her for acting like a teenager, expect that we're really on her side with this one. |