Getting not just one, but two dissatisfied students to fess up and move on can be double trouble. And having to force apology after apology out of aggrieved children, unless you've got some tricks up your sleeve, has the potential to eat up your whole day.

The goal: teach your students the skills necessary to resolve conflict on their very own. Especially for the younger youngsters, you'll be there to help guide the conversation and keep things civil, but to avoid doing this every five minutes (and going insane), try to instill these skills for keeping calm and having a cooperative convo.

Hey, maybe they'll even help you have a productive chat with that roommate who just won't wash the dishes. Remember, anything's better than passive aggressive post-its.

1. Cool off

Count to ten. Take a deep breath. Squeeze on this stress ball. Cooling off may be the oldest cliché in the book, but that's because it's just so darn effective. Taking a moment to let those emotions simmer down is super key in setting the scene for actually being able to work through a problem, rather than yelling through it.

2. Kid-to-kid communication

The kids, that is. As in, not saying "Teacher, Marsha pulled my hair!" but "Marsha, you pulled my hair. Ouch." Maybe first they come running to you, but making sure they face off…er, calmly discuss face-to-face (even if it's with you mediating) is a solid step one. Well, two, after the cooling off part.

3. "I" statements

Everyone rolls their I's when we talk about "I" statements. But for youngsters who haven't heard it a million times already, this is a super innovative way to make them pause, re-frame the problem, and take a legit step toward solving it.

So don't hold back on the rem-I-nders. "I felt sad when you called me a shmoopface." (As an aside, that is actually a high compliment.) Anyway, better than "you're mean for calling me a shmoopface" or even worse, "your mom's a shmoopface."

It goes downhill from there…even if it does give us a good chuckle.

Anyway, "I" statements are an important step on the road to empathy, which is a big chunk of conflict resolution. So don't underestimate these gu-I-s.

4. Reverse the "I"

You're using "I" statements, which makes me get bored and want to throw up.

Um, not quite. The next step to an "I" statement is for the "you" to try it on for size. In other words, have the second kid repeat back what they got out of their buddy's "I" statement. "So, Jiminy didn't like it when I called him a shmoopface?" It's true; most people do consider it high praise. Anyway, getting each kid to express where the other one is coming from helps both sides see what the problem is, and get to the root of it.

5. Chime in—but only if it's necessary

If the opponents are having trouble with I's or I-reversals, it might be your cue to step in. True, we're rooting for the kiddos to find a solution on their own. But sometimes a little boost can be all you need: "Dorothy, some people don't realize that a shmoopface is a good thing." Cue the "ohhhs" of dawning comprehension.

That's not all as far as kid-based conflict resolution goes. But sometimes a teacherly tip, re-phrasing or giving some explanation that may be over the kids' heads, can give the context needed for reconciliation.

6. Role-play

Role-play is a walk-a-mile-in-their-shoes sorta thing, and it's a good way to help them stick to point #6.

So, Charlie has to explain why Willy got mad, from Willy's perspective, and vice versa. This is basically the next step of the "Reverse the 'I'" thing, but the I's actually switch (as in Charlie talks as Willy, and Willy talks as Charlie). The trick is not to forget which kid is which.

7. Come up with a solution

What we really mean is have the kiddos suggest a solution. No, not "Tanya should give me back my pencil and stop being a mean bully." What would make each one feel better? What words should they each say? How can they prove that they see the other side? This goes back to the role-play thing (doesn't it always), but it also means actual actions that will shut down the argument and put a cherry on top.

But what sort of actual actions? Well, sometimes it helps to remember the good old list tactic. Because…

8. Everyone loves numbered steps

Well, yeah. It's even the format of this article.

Getting the words out is often the way to go, especially when it's a verbal argument you're dealing with. But if you can help those little diplomats come up with actions that they can put into effect, maybe even in a step-by-step fashion, that's a way to make them feel like they're actually accomplishing something as well as getting the apology they so deserve.

For example:

1. Delilah gives Xavier back his toy llama.
2. Xavier says he's sorry he said llamas were better than turtles.
3. Delilah and Xavier draw a hybrid llama-turtle. Llurtle?

Well, you get the idea.

9. Go beyond the solution

Sometimes getting both sides to make an "I" statements, say the sorrys, kiss and make up (minus the kiss part) is all you need. But sometimes you can toss in an extra step to boost communication, collaboration, and getting both sides into a better mood. Did someone say llurtle?

10. In other words: make it a lesson for the future

However the steps progress in your conflict resolution fun of the day, keep boosting their conversation in a way that helps them stick to these steps, and that makes the steps stick.

Especially if a chime-in becomes necessary at some point, it's important to emphasize that the bulk of the conversation should be between kid #1 and kid #2. Sure, you're there to mediate and throw in a useful paraphrase from time to time, but the ultimate goal is that they learn to do this on their own.

That's right: this is about learning, people. If the opponents settle the score and move on, you can always throw in a "what did we learn from this?" Which sets the agenda for next time. Or better yet, sets the agenda for there not being a next time.

11. Get the whole class in on it

No, not getting the whole class to vote on which kid is in the right. Getting the class involved can mean two things:

1. Having a whole lesson or a day of class dedicated to conflict resolution. If you're teaching a younger class (or if your adolescents are really, really argumentative), a whole-class discussion on conflict resolution can give everyone the basics for working through their individual conflicts. And hey, it'll save you the time of mediating every single one.
2. Slyly sneak conflict resolution concepts into the academic parts of class time. You can get literary: "Class, how might the Montagues and the Capulets have talked through their ish?" or find other ways to sneak in a convo about nice interpersonal methods that don't seem like you're beating 'em over the head with it. (Which would resolve a conflict resolution talk in itself.)

Sure, it can mean more than two things. But these tactics (or others) can sneak resolution strategies into the brain of each and every student. And, hey, giving them the tips means you won't have to find yourself holding two pairs of fists at arms-length on the daily.

12. Don't forget: it's not your conflict

Don't let yourself fall into the argument with the kids, especially if one of them is clearly in the wrong and nowhere near ready to admit it. If you stay calm, they're more likely to stay calm.

Maintaining calm—yourself and the kids—and sticking to these guidelines should help move conflict resolution from something the teacher does to something students are able to do on their own. With any luck, that'll extend beyond the classroom and into their daily life well into the future.

Hey, maybe they'll even grow up to master the Herculean task of getting that roommate to do those dishes.