The "broke" in "broker." Salary: $25,000 or less

You smell bad, you haven't shaved in a week, and you told Gladys Fishman that her beloved chihuahua Wigglesworth looks like a hamster with delusions of grandeur. You're not sure why you don't have more clients.

Mortgage broker. Salary: $38,500

You have some clients—not a ton, but enough. Despite working sixty-hour weeks, you make as much money as your smug nine-to-fiving friend, Josh. Josh is on a three-week vacation right now with his beautiful family. You hate Josh.

More of a mortgage broker. Salary: $53,000

Ring ring. It's your husband. Screened. Ring ring. Doctor Philips. Screened. Ring ring. Oh, it's Ms. Fillmore. I think she's looking for a summerhouse..."Hello? Ms. Fillmore? No, I'm not busy at all! What can I do for you?"

Private mortgage mogul. Salary: $92,000

You bought a public office to meet clients in and hired on a partner to help with client load. You're sad to have lost a lot of the autonomy that first attracted you to this line of work, but the ridiculous amount of money you're making is helping. A lot.

Commercial mortgage wizard. Salary $175,000

The ink is dry on the loan contract for Apple's new five billion dollar campus. It's your ink. Break out the party beverages and high five Tim Cook. Just kidding...you aren't allowed to touch Tim.