The Intern, Salary: $40,000 

You accidentally light the curtains on fire at the Shabbat candle lighting service and burn the entire Temple down. Maybe not the best way to start your first day as a rabbi.

New Rabbi, Salary: $65,000 

As an apprentice, you try to impress the rabbi with your grasp of Yiddish and tell him "Gay Kocken Offen Yom," which you think is wishing him a swift fast at Yom Kippur. Instead you've just told him to go poop in the Ocean.

Rabbi, Salary: $140,000 

You are assigned a congregation in Mexico where no one speaks English and you don't speak Spanish. Oh well, at least a few of the members speak Hebrew.

Seasoned Rabbi, Salary: $160,000 

Your performance at the Purim Shpiel as Queen Esther goes viral on YouTube. You're voted most fun rabbi and your congregation sees an increase in new members by sixty percent.

Rabbi to the Stars, Salary: $200,000+ 

You are asked to be the rabbi to one of the biggest High Holy Day Services broadcast around the world. You're booked on talk shows and give guest appearances regularly on the Late Night shows and Oprah's online network. You buy your mother a house and a car and whatever she wants—that's the real accomplishment.