January 1, 1909

Barry G Born

Barry Morris Goldwater is born to Baron and JoJo in Phoenix, part of the Arizona Territory.

February 14, 1912

Arizona Becomes a State

The Arizona Territory makes the United States its Valentine by officially becoming the 48th state in the union.

1928

The Graduate

Barry G graduates from Staunton Military Academy in Virginia and turns down a spot at West Point to attend the University of Arizona in Tucson and be closer to his ailing dad.

March 6, 1929

Back to Phoenix

Barry's dad Baron passes away. Barry decides to drop out of the U of A and move back to Phoenix to take care of the family and the family business.

September 22, 1934

Barry's Gonna Marry

Barry Goldwater marries his GF, Margaret Johnson from Muncie, Indiana.

1937

Practicing for POTUS

Goldwater is named president… of Goldwater's Department Stores.

September 1, 1939—September 2, 1945

World War II

The Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor in Hawaii on December 7th, 1941 catapults the United States into World War II. Barry joins the U.S. Air Forces and becomes a ferry pilot, staying on as a reservist and guardsman long after the war ended in 1945.

August 28, 1948

Runoff Rip Off

A Democratic Party runoff election in Texas catapults Lyndon Johnson into the U.S. Senate. This specific election is one of the worst cases of voter fraud the country had seen. Johnson was set to lose the election by a measly 87 votes when, all of a sudden, 202 mysterious "last-minute" ballots were found. 200 of those were votes for LBJ, and they were all written in the same ink and had apparently been submitted in alphabetical order. Nope, nothing shady about that…

November 8, 1949

Goldwater Joins the Fray (No, Not the Band)

Barry Goldwater runs for—and wins—his first political office and becomes Vice Chairman of the City Council of Phoenix.

November 4, 1952

Senator Goldwater

Goldwater is elected to the U.S. Senate in a landslide.

May 17, 1954

Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka, Kansas

In a landmark ruling, the U.S. Supreme Court declares segregated public facilities as a violation of the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment and thus unconstitutional. Goldwater didn't believe in segregation, but was not supportive of the Brown decision dictating the law of the land.

1960

Books Gone Wild!

Goldwater's book The Conscience of a Conservative is published, and the crowd loses… its… mind.

July 25, 1960

Thanks, But No Thanks

Barry Goldwater is nominated for POTUS during the Republican National Convention, but he withdraws his name, telling folks there was some work to be done in the GOP.

November 8, 1960

Voters Heart JFK

John F. Kennedy is elected POTUS over Richard Nixon, and he selects LBJ as his Veep.

April 17, 1961

Bay of Oops

The Bay of Pigs Invasion goes down as one of the CIA's greatest fails. Barry G loses a bit more faith in JFK's Presidency.

October 8, 1961

A Plan is Hatched

A "secret" meeting of a couple dozen Republicans in Chicago happens. Participants discuss how badly they want Barry Goldwater to run for President. This secret club eventually turns into the Draft Goldwater Committee, the group that sorta kinda forced Barry G into the election.

August 28, 1963

March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom

MLK Jr. gives his iconic "I Have a Dream" speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C.

November 22, 1963

A Tragic Inauguration

Lyndon Johnson becomes President after JFK is assassinated in Dallas, Texas.

November 27, 1963

Keep On Keepin' On

As the nation continues its shocked mourning, LBJ addresses Congress and pledges to stay the course set by President Kennedy. Liberals cheer, conservatives sigh.

January 3, 1964

Barry Jumps Into the Fire

Senator Barry Goldwater officially announces he's running for president.

July 2, 1964

Civil Rights Act Becomes Law

LBJ signs the 1964 Civil Rights Act into law after it was passed by the House and Senate. Barry Goldwater, a couple dozen other Senators, and about 30% of the House (both Republicans and Democrats, BTW) voted against the bill.

July 16, 1964

Fireworks at the RNC National Convention

Goldwater accepts the Republican presidential nomination and gives a speech that turns the liberals' hair white (and maybe some conservatives' hair too).

September 7, 1964

Daisy Go Boom

LBJ's infamous "Daisy Girl" ad airs once, and only once, on NBC, thus unleashing a tidal wave of negative political campaign ads that has yet to subside.

November 3, 1964

Election Day Trouncing

Barry Goldwater loses the presidential election to Lyndon Johnson in a landslide.

January 4, 1965

Making Society Great Again

LBJ gives the famed "Great Society speech" that turns all the conservatives' hair white (and maybe a few liberals' hairs, too).

March 31, 1968

Johnson Announces No Bid for Reelection

With approval ratings that were worse than reviews of Twilight, LBJ announces he will not seek reelection.

November 5, 1968

Republican Resurgence

Richard Nixon wins the presidency, defeating Democratic nominee and current VP Hubert Humphrey. In Arizona, Barry Goldwater wins reelection to the Senate and heads back to Washington.

August 7, 1974

Bearers of Bad News

Goldwater and a few buddies go to the White House to tell President Nixon that he does not have enough support among Congress to avoid getting impeached after the Watergate fiasco.

August 8, 1974

He's Not a Crook, Tho

President Nixon resigns.

September 15, 1981

Goldwater Rants About Religious Freedom

Senator Goldwater makes headlines after delivering a blistering Senate speech criticizing the Moral Majority of forgetting about that separation-of-church-and-state idea that the Constitution seems to like so much.

November 4, 1982

The End of an Era

Senator Goldwater undergoes triple bypass surgery and gives up cheeseburgers forever. Previously, he'd eaten a big ol' cheeseburger every single day for lunch. Every. Single. Day. For years and years.

October 18, 1986

Heading Off to New Adventures

The notorious BG officially retires from the U.S. Senate and heads back to AZ for some sunshine and decent Mexican food.

October 8, 1987

Raising a Ruckus

Goldwater calls for the resignation of shady Arizona Governor Evan Mecham, which causes all kinds of hoopla in the Republican Party.

July 1993

Goldwater Honored by AHRF

Barry is honored by the Arizona Human Rights Fund, the state's #1 gay and lesbian rights organization, for his support of gays in the military and of gay rights in general.

September 10, 1996

Hospitalization, Now With Celebrity Guest List

Barry goes to the doctor and finds out he's had a minor stroke; they decide to hospitalize him. His hospital stay included visits from political stars like Bob Dole, Colin Powell, and Bill Clinton.

May 29, 1998

Arizona Loses a Legend

Barry Goldwater dies at his home in Paradise Valley, Arizona at age 89.