Brief Summary
The Set-Up
In 1832, when President Andrew Jackson passed another tariff hoping to fix the Tariff of 1828 "Tariff of Abomination," South Carolina responded with, "this whole place is an abomination— we're outta here." But Jackson just couldn't let the state leave the union without giving his two cents first. Actually, it was more like a ton of cash.
The Text
From: AJackson@whitehouse.gov
To: South Carolina
Cc: Everyone in the U.S.
Subject: Nullification LOL
I am the President. I know that you and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye. I also know that you're really angry about this whole "Tariff of Abominations" thing—I've read your Ordinance of Nullification cover to cover. The tariff's unconstitutional, states have a right to nullify unconstitutional laws, you're not paying it, you'll leave the Union if we try to force you, yadda yadda yadda.
No offense, but you're totally wrong on every count.
Plus, it's boring. Could have used more exclamation points.
Like it or not, you're part of a Union, so give up the ridiculous idea that you can legally secede from it. What's the point of even having a country and a Constitution if everyone can just up and leave whenever they want? Any idiot can see that. It's not up to you to interpret the Constitution. It's mine.
Did I mention I'm the president?
If you try to leave the Union, I—the president—am coming after you. And your family. And your pets. I will stop at nothing to preserve this Union of ours. Because it's the greatest country in the world and, oh yeah, I'm its president.
I know you patriots will make the virtuous decision and not rain down shame on your own heads and go down in history as the people who destroyed the greatest country God ever created—of which I'm the president, in case you forgot. If you don't, all our enemies will be jumping for joy because they can't stand it that we live here and they don't.
Peace and Love, God bless the USA, and let me hear from y'all.
Andrew Jackson
(President of the U.S.)
TL;DR
Andrew Jackson threatens to bring a baseball bat to a fistfight if South Carolina doesn't stop nullifying federal laws.