A side-by-side translation of Act 3, Scene 3 of Much Ado About Nothing from the original Shakespeare into modern English.
Original Text |
Translated Text |
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| Source: Folger Shakespeare Library | |
Enter Dogberry and his compartner Verges DOGBERRY Are you good men and true? VERGES Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer DOGBERRY Nay, that were a punishment too good for VERGES Well, give them their charge, neighbor DOGBERRY First, who think you the most desartless FIRST WATCHMAN Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal, DOGBERRY Come hither, neighbor Seacoal. Seacoal SEACOAL Both which, master constable— DOGBERRY You have. I knew it would be your answer. | Dogberry, a constable with an awesome name, is selecting a few new men to help stand watch over Messina. Dogberry may not be the most qualified person to perform this task. His vocabulary is questionable, as is his understanding of...well, lots of things. He asks the First Watchman to recommend some men for the watch, and the First Watchman suggests two guys who can read and write. Dogberry tells one of the reader-writers that he's lucky he's good looking. That's more important than being able to read and write, but reading and writing may come in handy when he can't get by on your looks. He puts this guy, George Seacoal, in charge of the watch. Next he tell them the watch should look out for vagrants and stop them in the name of the Prince. |
SEACOAL How if he will not stand? DOGBERRY Why, then, take no note of him, but let him VERGES If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is DOGBERRY True, and they are to meddle with none but SECOND WATCHMAN We will rather sleep than talk. DOGBERRY Why, you speak like an ancient and most SEACOAL How if they will not? DOGBERRY Why then, let them alone till they are sober. 45 SEACOAL Well, sir. | Seacoal asks what he should do if he tells someone to stop and they won't. Dogberry says that if a man doesn’t stop, he should be let go to do as he pleases, because any man who doesn’t stop isn’t one of the Prince’s subjects and therefore is not under the jurisdiction of the watch. He goes on to tell the men to be quiet, essentially giving them permission to sleep through their shifts since that won't disturb anyone. They should just make sure no one robs them while they're snoozing. Also, drunken men should be reprimanded, unless they’re too drunk, in which case they should be left alone to sober up. |
DOGBERRY If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by SEACOAL If we know him to be a thief, shall we not DOGBERRY Truly, by your office you may, but I think 55 VERGES You have been always called a merciful man, 60 DOGBERRY Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, | More words of wisdom from Dogberry: Thieves should be avoided, because getting involved with them would compromise one’s honesty. Instead of trying to capture them, the watch let them do what they do best and "steal away," as in sneak off. |
VERGES, to the Watch If you hear a child cry in the SECOND WATCHMAN How if the nurse be asleep and DOGBERRY Why, then depart in peace, and let the VERGES ’Tis very true. DOGBERRY This is the end of the charge. You, constable, VERGES Nay, by ’r Lady, that I think he cannot. DOGBERRY Five shillings to one on ’t, with any man that VERGES By ’r Lady, I think it be so. DOGBERRY Ha, ah ha!—Well, masters, goodnight. An Dogberry and Verges begin to exit. | Verges adds that the men on watch should wake up nurses (nannies) whose babies are crying. And Dogberry says that if the nurses do not wake up at the watch’s calls, no worries. The babies’ cries are sure to wake their nurses up eventually. Dogberry then tells the First Watchman to remember he is representing the Prince...and if he sees the Prince during the night, he should stop him. Verges says he doesn't think they can actually do that, and Dogberry agrees. You can't stop the Prince without the Prince's consent, and so no man should be stopped against his will. He tells the watchmen to give him a jingle if they have any problems and starts to leave. |
SEACOAL Well, masters, we hear our charge. Let us go DOGBERRY One word more, honest neighbors. I pray 90 Dogberry and Verges exit. | Dogberry adds one last instruction: Be sure to watch over Leonato’s door. With the wedding coming tomorrow, there’s likely to be a big to-do tonight. (If only he knew!) Lastly, he tells them to "Be vigitant!" (mistaking the word vigilant). |
Enter Borachio and Conrade. BORACHIO What, Conrade! SEACOAL, aside Peace, stir not. 95 BORACHIO Conrade, I say! CONRADE Here, man, I am at thy elbow. BORACHIO Mass, and my elbow itched, I thought there CONRADE I will owe thee an answer for that. And now 100 BORACHIO Stand thee close, then, under this penthouse, SEACOAL, aside Some treason, masters. Yet stand 105 BORACHIO Therefore know, I have earned of Don CONRADE Is it possible that any villainy should be so BORACHIO Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible | The watch’s plan to settle into a peaceful sleep is interrupted by the entrance of Borachio and Conrade, Don John’s two partners-in-crime. Borachio and Conrade haven’t noticed the watchmen, though the watch has noticed them. The incompetent men on watch listen carefully for signs of treason. Borachio updates Conrade on the night’s events, sparing no little detail, and announcing that he’s earned his 1000 ducats from Don John. Conrade wonders how Borachio’s villainous assistance could come with such a high price tag. Borachio points out that when a rich villain needs a poor villain’s help, the poor villain can name any price. |
CONRADE I wonder at it. 115 BORACHIO That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou CONRADE Yes, it is apparel. BORACHIO I mean the fashion. 120 CONRADE Yes, the fashion is the fashion. BORACHIO Tush, I may as well say the fool’s the fool. FIRST WATCHMAN, aside I know that Deformed. He 125 BORACHIO Didst thou not hear somebody? CONRADE No, ’twas the vane on the house. BORACHIO Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief 130 CONRADE All this I see, and I see that the fashion wears | Borachio compares his robbery to the robbery that fashion commits—fashion has a habit of making men change their minds too often. While they talk, the First Watchman recognizes Borachio as a crook. When he speaks, Borachio and Conrade almost hear him but decide it's a weathervane creaking on a house. Conrade chimes in that fashion is indeed a robber, as men will throw out their apparel because it’s no longer in style even before the clothing has been worn out. Conrade notes that Borachio must be stricken by the fashion sickness too, as it’s distracted him from the point of his story: how he ruined Hero this very night. |
BORACHIO Not so, neither. But know that I have tonight CONRADE And thought they Margaret was Hero? BORACHIO Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio, | Borachio launches into his tale. His plan went off without a hitch: Margaret leaned out of Hero’s window and bid him a thousand goodnights, and Borachio replied, calling her "Hero." Meanwhile, Don John was stationed with Don Pedro and Claudio in an orchard, close enough to hear what was going on, but not close enough to see that the woman was Margaret, not Hero. Don Pedro and Claudio totally fell for the scam. Borachio notes that the scheme had many layers, like an onion, or a layer cake. Claudio and Don Pedro were first inspired to distrust Hero by Don John’s claim of her disloyalty. Because they were primed to think of her as disloyal, Borachio’s villainy, combined with the dark night, cemented Claudio and Don Pedro’s suspicions. Claudio was enraged and vowed to reveal Hero’s love affair in front the whole congregation tomorrow. |
FIRST WATCHMAN We charge you in the Prince’s name 165 SEACOAL Call up the right Master Constable. Second FIRST WATCHMAN And one Deformed is one of them. I Enter Dogberry, Verges, and Second Watchman. DOGBERRY Masters, masters— FIRST WATCHMAN, to Borachio You’ll be made bring DOGBERRY, to Borachio and Conrade Masters, never BORACHIO, to Conrade We are like to prove a goodly CONRADE A commodity in question, I warrant you.— 180 They exit. | The watchmen, who have been listening this whole time, finally step out and seize Borachio and Conrade, calling them out for lechery (when they really mean treachery). The disease of poor grammar and word usage is apparently contagious; the watchmen suffer from it nearly as badly as Dogberry. Borachio and Conrade surrender, but we’ve still got some unraveling to do before things get really good. |