Typical Day
It's 10:00AM. Susan Marty Pants (known as S. Marty Pants by her readers) is sound asleep, in the middle of a dream that involves her staring into Jared Leto's intensely blue eyes, when she is rudely awakened by the horrendous thumps of her neighbor's bass guitar thrumming through her body. She can feel her teeth chatter.
Susan loves living in Manhattan, but the studio apartment she snagged comes with its neighborly quirks...like the stay-home musician who likes slappin da bass at all hours except, for some reason, on Tuesdays. Susan often wonders where she is on Tuesdays. Terrorizing some other street, perhaps?
Though grumbling in annoyance at her Victor Wooten-wannabe neighbor, she decides she has slept long enough. She didn't get to bed until 3:00AM, as she was up all night writing, but seven hours of sleep is more than enough for her.
She puts some water on the kettle and fixes herself a strong French press pot of coffee. As the coffee steeps, she dances in place to Aretha Franklin while her adorably rotund cat, Shakespeare, looks at her like she's gone crazy.
Dear Abby, my human is a terrible dancer. How do I stop her? (Source)
Exercise done for the day, she pours herself a cup of the hot elixir, adds a healthy bit of soy vanilla creamer, and settles in for a long day of answering letters for her blog.
Dear S. Marty Pants:
I'm a 33-year-old woman who has been dating my boyfriend for 11 years. I have told him I want to get married, or at least live together, but he keeps telling me he isn't ready yet. My friends all say I'm a saint for putting up with him, but I've been as patient as I can be. I feel I've wasted all this time waiting to marry this man. I know he loves me and I love him and there is no one else for either of us. Should I just give up on the idea of marriage and be happy for what we have? What should I do?
Sincerely,
Tired of Waiting
Dear Tired of Waiting:
If you've really wanted marriage all these years, as you say you have, you probably should've high-tailed it out of there five years ago. After five years, he isn't likely to change his mind. It sounds like he may be biding time until he either meets someone else or just leaves. And what about you? These are the prime years of your life! What are you doing wasting them pining after a guy who thinks he's too good for you (when it's obvious he isn't good enough)?
Don't put off your happiness or what you want out of life for some guy who doesn't even care enough about you to let you go. Don't be a martyr. Give him an ultimatum and let him know marriage is what you need to be happy. If you don't get the answer you want, run. Run for the hills and don't look back.
S. Marty Pants
Dear S. Marty Pants:
I'm so mad at myself. I had a decent job that paid pretty good and had benefits but I quit to start my own business about 6 months ago. I'm 27 and thought it was time to try something different. Well, I tried it alright and it's not at all what I thought it was going to be. It's exhausting trying to get clients and promote myself and my savings are completely gone now.
Do you think I should pack it in and grovel for my old job back?
Disgusted in Detroit
Dear Disgusted:
Never go back to an old lover after a breakup. Even if nobody better comes along, you left that old ball and chain for a reason.
Keep moving forward in life. Take another step toward doing something you have always wanted to do. Don't fall back into old habits just because the going's gotten tough.
It's been six months—don't you think your old job has moved on without you? Well, newsflash: They have and you need to as well.
On the other hand, six months isn't that long for a business to become successful. Many new businesses actually take years before they end up being profitable. However, if you're absolutely sure that you gave it your best shot and you absolutely hate what you're doing, it's time to regroup and figure out what's next for you.
Good Luck,
S. Marty Pants
Susan goes on to answer eighteen more letters on various issues: dating, divorce, work, pets, weight, parents—all the usual advice column stuff.
By 5:00PM, Susan is exhausted. She takes a quick shower to revive and runs out to meet her girlfriends for dinner at their favorite Tex-Mex place across town.
When Susan gets there, her friends Tammy and Esther are bickering about Esther's latest relationship crisis.
"Susan, thank goodness you're here. If I had to listen to Tammy's bad advice for five more minutes, I'd scream."
"Why? Like Susan's going to say anything different? She's not. She's going to agree with me, I know it. You just don't want to face the truth, Esther."
Ugh. Susan dives into the chips and salsa and spends the rest of the evening helping her friends.
Later that night, Susan pets Shakespeare and turns Aretha back on before settling in for a few last letters to answer. Just a few more and then it's off to bed, she thinks.
She falls asleep at her computer at about 3:00AM, Shakespeare by her feet.