Typical Day
The alarm goes off on Juan Q. Publico's bedside table, promptly at 7:30AM. He hops out of bed, ready to start his day. Throwing on the sports channel, he does some light calisthenics as he watches last night's hockey recaps. His team came through again, which is great, but Juan didn't watch. He was at a health seminar that ran way late. And as you might expect, overtime at a seminar isn't quite as exciting as overtime in a hockey game.
He spends the 8:00AM hour working on paperwork. Juan goes over all of the stops he'll be making today: a few restaurants, a couple hotels, a day care, and some other stores and eateries. He'll be working on the west side of town, which means that he won't have to fine anyone he's friends with. Those are the more awkward days at work.
By 9:45AM, Juan is behind the wheel, stretched, fed, and dressed in a sharp button-down and a strong purple tie. The outfit isn't required by regulations, but if he expects to be taken seriously today, the first inspection he has to pass is style.
He arrives at 10:00AM—right on time—at the first restaurant on his list, a boutique coffee shop on the corner of a busy boulevard. Of course, the unsuspecting employees don't know he's on time―due to the random part of random inspections, no one knows Juan is coming. He begins his inspection the moment he enters the building, taking in the café's torrid atmosphere. Skipping the line of girls in plaid and guys in moustaches, he walks directly to the counter. The friendly barista greets him with a tip-worthy smile.
"Hello sir! What can I do for you this lovely morning?" she asks, cheerily unaware of the hurricane she's staring in the face.
"Good morning" he says, pulling out his badge and identification. "My name is Juan, and I'm the health inspector. Is your manager available?"
Juan watches as her eyes go wide and her face freezes in a Joker-victim-like state of fear. She barely squeaks out "one second" as she rushes to the back. As she glides past her co-workers, a wave of understanding passes through the wait staff. Within seconds, the barista is back with the café's general manager, a smartly dressed professional who introduces herself as Elizabeth. After a quick and uncomfortable exchange of pleasantries, at 10:02AM Juan gets to work.
He begins his survey in the kitchen, in order to give them the least amount of time to prepare. He examines the stoves, checks every refrigerator, and watches food as it's sent to the dining room. In the walk-in, he notices slightly dripping chicken, just kind of hanging out on a tray. Making notes on his clipboard, he sees Elizabeth give the head chef a stare that could give a moose a heart attack.
From the look of the overstocked freezer (minus two points on the official score card) and poorly packaged produce (minus three points), Juan is worried he may have a problematic situation here.
The staff continues working while pretending everything is normal, but everybody watches Juan out of the corner of their eyes. Coming back to the front, he sees they're all wearing health code-required hats and gloves—but he's pretty sure they weren't wearing them when he walked in. Suspicious, but he'll give them the benefit of the doubt. It looks like they'll be losing a lot of points anyway.
Throughout the day, different versions of this same story play out all over the city. At 12:20PM, he shows up at a sandwich shop in the middle of their busy lunch rush. Normally he doesn't work restaurants between 11:30AM and 2:00PM, but a couple weeks ago this very restaurant served him a chicken parmesan sandwich that had a two-foot-long black hair in it.
Needless to say, he's been itching to get at this one since he saw it on the inspection list. Juan's not a vengeful man, but he has a very low tolerance for extra ingredients in his food.
After finding more than enough health issues to levy a satisfyingly large fine and to talk in an enjoyably arrogant way to the manager, Juan heads back home at 1:15PM. It's his lunch break, and he doesn't want to take his chances on the outside. Besides, he can make as big a mess as he wants, and no one can tell him otherwise. It's the little things in life that give you the most satisfaction.
By the time Juan reaches his final destination―a midsize four-star hotel and bar―at 4:40PM, he has: already stepped in rat feces; stopped raw chicken from being served; and fined businesses thousands of dollars. Oh, and he caught the daycare storing dangerous chemicals next to the baby formula. So, a pretty normal day so far.
After finishing up his inspection at the hotel and finding no real issues (thank goodness), Juan shakes the very happy manager's hand and gets into his car―no doubt making the manager even happier. Sitting in his car at 5:00PM, Juan take his wallet out and removes the number he got last night. Since he works an independent lifestyle, meeting people is pretty difficult.
By 5:10PM, Juan has set up a date, and he heads home to change. He's not at all worried about such a sudden meeting. After all, what's a first date but a thorough inspection of the person you're dating? Besides, Juan knows this great Thai place on the west side that he can guarantee is one of the cleanest places in town.