Typical Day
Nana Banana is woken up by her cellphone alarm at 7:00AM. There's no sunlight streaming through the doily curtains, but when is there ever? It's a dank and depressing winter in London, where Nana is an au pair for a British family with one young child, age six.
Nana rubs the sleep from her eyes and puts on her robe, making sure to cinch the waist tight. Last week, the robe accidentally came open while she was fixing her breakfast right when the family's elderly grandmother was shuffling into the kitchen. "There's never any privacy as an au pair," Nana thinks to herself.
Nana tiptoes into the kitchen, quiet as a drugged, unconscious mouse, so as not to disturb the rest of the family. The family doesn't like her to make a lot of noise in the morning. While she eats her cereal, Nana flips through the channels on the muted TV. Because she's with the kids all day, any TV she watches usually involves cartoon characters that break the fourth wall in order to say things like, "Did you see where Swiper went?" Nana tries not to, but she usually finds herself muttering the answer anyway.
Suddenly, she looks at the clock. 7:25:AM. already. It's time to wake Little Leo up for school. Nana knocks softly at his door, goes to his bed, and gives Leo a shake.
"Nooooo…."
"Yes. Time to wake up."
"No."
Nana rolls her eyes. Sometimes she wonders if "No" is the only word Leo knows.
Eventually, and begrudgingly, Leo is up and moving. Nana packs Leo's school bag for him. He should do it himself, she knows, but it's just faster this way. Nana notices that the spelling worksheet is only halfway filled out, but there's no time to bother with that now.
"Where's the math sheet you were working on yesterday?"
"No."
What does he mean, "No"? That answer doesn't even make sense. So Nana searches on her own, and eventually finds the sheet under a pile of shoes and socks and mittens. Every time.
Strapping Leo into his backpack, Nana grabs his hand and half-drags, half-yanks him out of the house. Nana thinks about the snails she used to watch when she was little, slowly, methodically creeping along the sidewalk outside her house. It seems impossible, but Nana swears Leo moves even slower than those snails.
At 8:25AM, with just five minutes before the first bell rings, Nana drops Leo off at school. "Finally," she thinks, "some peace and quiet for a couple hours."
She heads to her favorite lunch place, Subway. Hey, those $5 footlongs are not a joke. That's a serious deal when you're on a nanny's budget. While she eats, Nana goes through her mental list of errands that she needs to get done: laundry, dry cleaners, and a new lunchbox for Leo. Oh, and signing Leo up for the after-school reading program at the library.
Meh, she'll do that later, Nana decides. In the meantime, Nana heads to the park to read for a little while. She pulls out the Nicholas Sparks novel she checked out from the library three and a half months ago. She's so busy, though, that she hasn't gotten around to reading it. She turns to the sixth page, where she left off a month ago. The sappy, adorably awkward romantic lead has just…been…introduced….
Oh no. Nana feels herself getting sleepy. She loves reading, but not when she's this exhausted. Oh, the sunlight feels so good. Nana decides to close her eyes for a few minutes. Suddenly, Ryan Gosling taps her on the shoulder and starts to ask her where the nearest convenience store is…when a loud ringing rudely intrudes into her dream.
It's the alarm on her cellphone going off. 2:45PM. Ugh. Where did the past six hours go? Alright, well, back to school.
Nana's running a little late, but she finally finds Leo waiting at the after-school daycare. Nana and Leo walk back home, with Nana nodding and smiling as Leo talks her ear off about Mrs. Travers' in-class volcano demonstration.
When the pair gets home, Leo's stomach is grumbling. Nana's not really hungry. As it turns out, a foot of subway sandwich will pretty much kill a person's appetite for a while. Leo, however, decides that it's snack time. Or at least, he calls it "snack time." Nana calls it "war."
"Ants on a log?" Nana asks.
No. Leo doesn't want anything green. And celery is green.
"Cheese straws?"
Leo shakes his head.
"Muffins?"
(Aware of Leo's stance on all things green, leafy, or otherwise, veggie-like, Nana leaves the "zucchini" part out of it.)
Leo eyes Nana warily.
Nana takes silence to mean "yes," and puts a muffin on a plate. Nana realizes that, for once, snack time only took five minutes. What a piece of cake. Or muffin, technically.
With Leo's hunger taken care of, it's time to cross off his third grade homework. Leo, who's still talking about Mrs. Travers' science experiment in class today, is having trouble focusing. Apparently seven times seven equals fifty-one today. And six times three is twenty-four. Nana corrects Leo, knowing full well that next year he'll start using a calculator, and then who cares if he knows seven times seven?
Eventually Nana and Leo get the homework done. As a reward, Leo gets to watch one episode of a television show of his choice—within reason. Last week, Nana had to put her foot down when Leo wanted to watch an episode of Mad Men. Today, they're already off to a better start with Leo's more kid-appropriate selection of The Wiggles.
"Perfect! I'll start the episode," Nana says.
And then Leo pouts. Uh oh.
"Remember, just one episode."
Leo's bottom lip trembles. Oh no. Nana knew this would happen.
"Your parents said only thirty minutes."
The tears begin to well in Nana's eyes. Stay strong….
"Well, maybe it's okay…."
She's so weak.
"How about an extra five minutes?"
"Just today," Nana adds, knowing that it was also yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that.
After forty-two minutes of The Wiggles, it's time for dinner. Nana sets down the plate in front of Leo. Leo takes one look at the plate, spots a little bit of green, and shakes his head in protest. She stares him down. After caving on television time, she's now determined to make sure Leo eats the asparagus she roasted for dinner. Every single heart-healthy, fiber-rich bite of it.
Having choked his asparagus down, Leo starts to get sleepy. Nana checks the clock on the wall again. Her life is ruled by that insolent little clock face, now telling her that it's time to start that slow, excruciating routine called bedtime.
Most evenings, it's the same. Nana wants him to go to bed, but Leo doesn't want to go to bed. Nana wants him to brush his teeth, but Leo doesn't want to brush his teeth. No worries. Nana will win. She always wins. It's just a matter of waiting him out.
Like a military combatant in a trench, Nana settles in to wait her enemy out. Eventually, she spots his eyelids starting to droop. It's working. Lower, and lower they droop. Aaaaalmost there…and they're down. Nana hops up, triumphantly shakes her fists at the heavens, and bows before an imaginary crowd.
Sneaking out of Leo's room, the house is quiet once again. Later, Leo's parents return from work. Nana gives them a run-down of the day's events, reporting that Leo only watched one episode of TV. What they don't know can't hurt them, right? Nana heads to her room to rest up for the next day's battles.