Noob Tycoon. Salary: $5 Billion or less 

Congratulations—today is your twenty-fifth birthday, and your inheritance is just a pen swipe away. Looking over the notarized document of the trust left to you by your deceased parent, your hand shakes as you move to sign. Slipping, you cut your hand on the paper, and a small droplet of blood falls onto the signature line. We'll just hope that's a good sign.

Kind of Gassy. Salary: $10 Billion 

You and your board of directors clink your glasses, celebrating the company's newest Arctic tundra drilling machine that's currently blasting its way through the Earth. The celebration is cut short five minutes later, when the drill bit gets stuck in ice and the drilling arm breaks clean off. "Oh well," you think, as you gather up the drink glasses, "that was only 45 million. We'll call it research and make it a tax write off."

(Earth) Mover and (Hand) Shaker. Salary: $15 Billion 

Stepping out of your private jet, wearing a heavy wool coat and ear muffs, you're surprised to find a balmy eighty-six degree day. You ask the fairly new pilot how it could be so warm in Russia. He slaps his forehead and says that when you said the meeting was in St. Petersburg, he thought you meant the one in Florida. You immediately regret firing Captain Sullivan.

Major Petroleum. Salary: $25 Billion 

The camera starts rolling, and you are now live with the American public on a major cable news network. After such a massive, devastating spill, you believe it's important for the head of the company to show up and talk about the mistakes made. Of course, it helps that you own the TV station―you've already told them what to say.

King Oil. Salary: $40 Billion 

"Sir, I have the Prince of Darkness on line two," says your secretary Greta through the intercom on your desk. You've been expecting this call for a day or two, and you're not at all happy that Ozzie has taken this long to decide if he likes your offer. You press the button and deliver your instructions to Greta: "Take a message."